Friday, Jun. 19, 2020 - 9:50 pm.
Well, I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing at the start of the weekend. Lately I have so much to do on weekends that writing in here becomes just another task on my to-do list, when usually is something that I look forward to doing.
Some very interesting things happened this week:
1. Andrew's birthday on Monday!
We got two breakfasts delivered from his friends, plus some coffee and cake from another. I got a huge-ass birthday cake and a book for him about Tolkien and WWI. He got lots of calls and messages, his parents sent him a care package. It was odd not having anybody around to celebrate, but it was a lovely day nevertheless.
We finished eating the birthday cake just today. The bakery did not make cakes any smaller than for 15 people, but it was the best cake I've ever tasted so it wasn't hard to eat a bit everyday.
It's my friend's Anna's birthday the day after Andrew's, so we also had some cake in her honor, remembering the good times we had in Brighton, and in UK overall.
2. WE HAD THE INITIAL INTERVIEW FOR THE ADOPTION PROCESS ON TUESDAY.
I'm so happy that we're finally formally in the system for an adoption application. The psychologist was very pleasant, and we mostly went into details about a brief application form we'd submitted before the informative meeting two weeks ago: who we were, our occupations and income and projections, our family relations, our motivations to adopt.
The psychologist remarked that we were very young (LOL), we had no infertility issues (that we know of), and we didn't mention interest in adopting a baby. So she explored all that. To make it short, I have no interest in the experience of pregnancy (I didn't tell her about the issues I have with my body, possibly related to sexual trauma). We both want a kid but don't need to get it as a baby. The psychologist said that with our profile, it is possible that we qualify for a baby, too. I think babies are cute but also a lot of work. I mean, all children are, but what I'm looking forward to is to play and learn with my child, to have silly and insightful conversations, to show them the world and for them to teach me to see it in a new light. And read them the "Little people, big dreams" David Bowie book that I got at Waterstones.
I mean, that right there should get me a child, shouldn't it?
Unfortunately, the process takes two years, sometimes longer. And that's without pandemic! I don't know if it's a consolation, but even if my first application from last September had come through, we'd probably be still waiting for the "sensibilization workshops", as we are right now. The adoption agency is not conducting any processes beyond the initial interview, because the next steps require to attend "experiential" workshops and home visits from certified psychologists and social workers.
I just have to brace myself for a long wait, although that gives us time to maybe find a house. Also, I'm bracing for some heartbreak because at some point we'll go to court for custody of a child, and the judge may give the child to another family deemed more suitable. It will hurt, but it is a good thing. They don't look for a child to give to a family, they look for a family to give to a child.
At the moment, I do get a bit restless sometimes thinking that my kid is out there not receiving proper care, specially now that it's winter. I've mentioned before how heating systems are very precarious in general here, I don't trust the government enough to believe that it is different for children placed in its care. I hope wherever they are (or when they are born), they're safe.
3. I was on TV, haha.
On Thursday, my boss called me and told me I had to record myself speaking about one of our studies for two minutes. This is a study we're doing as part of an international research initiative. I did not allow myself to freak out, and long story short, with thanks to Andrew, it turned out to be a decent clip.
The thing is, I cannot record myself without bursting in laughter. That worried me, I had to go through several failed attempts. But then Andrew said "think of this as you explaining it to Eric", my dear friend Eric, and I nailed it.
So I was on regional TV on Thursday night. My boss sent me the full news bit, but I couldn't bring myself to see it. I did look nice.
4. My girlfriend.
We're doing ok. Because of all the above, plus other work-related commitments, we didn't speak much over the week. Or rather, we spoke but we didn't have sex.
On Wednesday night I messaged her quickly, while on a break of doing overtime, and she wouldn't let me go, crying emojis and all. I thought about a bi character that I once saw on a queer show. It was a guy and there was a girl running after him and begging him or nagging him and he goes kind of like, "see, this is why I prefer to date men". Which I know was an unfair thing to think about, but she was clingy that night. I appreciated her sentiment, but also I was profusely apologizing for leaving her because I had to work, and that was not supposed to happen.
Anyway, I know she understood, deep down. And I generously made up to her the following night. Then she received notice that her grandma died. There's a very complicated family history there, but she was mostly relieved about her grandma passing away.
I should be wrapping this up soon to go talk to her, by the way.
I had a 5th point about my own family. My parents had a very nasty episode this afternoon in the family WhatsApp, with my parents calling out Brother #1 for using an "ugly" sticker in response to my dad talking about his health...which he once again is self-sabotaging by inducing vomiting and fever.
My dad went as far to say that Brother #1 never showed interested in his illness (his eldest son, a fucking doctor) but that he had "forgiven him". Fuck my parents. I'm so angry and sad. I've been done with them for years, just hanging around to not kill them of a broken heart. But they're losing it. My dad lost it years ago, really, and my mother's life has never been her own. It's all very pathological at this point.
Brothers #2 and #3 stepped up in the family chat to tell my parents to ponder if a sticker meant to express gladness deserved such a hateful response (in more diplomatic words). Good thing, also, that we have a separate chat for just my siblings, and we just went to support Brother #1 over there. He's dealt with their shittiness the longest, so he's kind of used to this. He had just talked on the phone to them hours before those messages. It's painful to witness all this.
Heh, there's point 5.