A four-day weekend to stress over work
Sunday, Jul. 19, 2020 - 12:09 pm.

I took part in that literary event on Wednesday night. It wasn't so bad. My friend Ana and I were the guests. She lives in Mexico, and she and I have similar life trajectories in terms of writing, living abroad and academic life. We even went to the same school (she's a couple of years older than me so we didn't meet then). The moderator was a guy I'd never heard of but he'd won some literary award and seemed nice enough.

I had some regrets about the way I answered some questions, but all that is of little consequence in the big scheme of things so I let it slide. We were told some 3400 people watched the interview/conversation, and I heard some nice feedback from a few friends/friends of Andrew's who also tuned in. I even had someone write me asking about my doctoral thesis on fiction and prejudice reduction (my findings were less exciting that this sounds), so I sent it to her.

I couldn't even plug in my upcoming book, though, and that was the main reason why I agreed to do this in the first place. The conversation was a bit mechanic so I never got a chance to plug it. But it's just as well. It's not like I can promise much yet, I haven't heard any updated from the publishing house. I'm giving them a few months. I still have some faith and if I'm correct, they remain my best bet. Or the safe one, anyway.

This week we had a four-day weekend, starting on Thursday, but I've spent it on getting stressed about my research proposal application for government postdoc funding. I mean, more than getting stressed I've been reading, and writing and editing the proposal, after I got feedback from my boss. I need to win this funding, but it's still not good enough.

One front where things have been just amazing is food. This week, Andrew and I found ourselves with a lot of food, after finally easing our way into online grocery and fruit & veg shopping. The pandemic has really given us more time to prepare more delicious and healthy food, and on top of this, we've been watching The Chef Show. I think that really primed us to go more experimental with the pleasure we derive from food.

One last thing before I go do some chores: I just got off the phone with my girlfriend, and she said she spoke to our mutual friend Virginia about us. I was on the fence about telling Virginia that I'm shagging her friend, and now I don't know how or when to bring this up, since she already knows. My girlfriend said Virginia took it well and said she trusted we were both adults. That still doesn't tell me how she feels, but it's not like that'd have any influence on a relationship that's already ongoing.

Regardless, I've been pulling away from my girlfriend this week. I know this happens when I go head-first into an intellectual task, be it in this case the research proposal, plus going back to making my comics (fuck yeah back to my happy place). I feel horrible for feeling that I have to make an effort with her now, though.

I warned her I'll be like this for a while. I want to think that it's just because I have this deadline with the proposal. Everything that gets in my way of working on it just irks me. I am truly in a stage where I don't want to be interrupted and want to be left alone, and yet I feel I make so little progress as I'm using up all my precious leisure time (i.e. this extended weekend).

After I figure these tasks out, I always go back to my usual, more relaxed self. I want to go back to that. I want to go back to enjoying being in a relationship with her.

Other than that, life's pretty well for Andrew and I to be in the middle of a pandemic. We each have our own space in the apartment to live our individual lives, then we get together to cook and eat and sleep together, we have fun, we laugh, and we share woes from work. He's also returned to watching Formula 1 races and role playing, both things I know are his passions but I rarely see him taking them on. All that on top of upping his already impressive cooking skills. So I'm grateful for all this.

Speaking of cooking, now I will go do some domestic chores before we dive into the joys of making leftovers taste even better than the day before.

Be safe out there.

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