Saturday, Nov. 21, 2020 - 10:09 am.
I was invited as a speaker to a panel of Central American writers, as part of a Literary Conference from a university in Guatemala. That probably sounds like a mouthful, but it was yesterday afternoon and it was fun! I was a bit wary because the overall theme was how we've spent the pandemic, which is not the interesting topic one would think it is. Luckily we got questions from the public and yeah, it was fun.
Among the virtual audience: my husband and my girlfriend. I don't think they were aware of each other's presence there, but frankly, they know about each other so my nervousness lasted five seconds, and then I proceeded to check my hair.
By the way, I want to take the time to say I'm grateful for the appreciation they both have of what I do (which extends to all friends and family who support me, thank you). I've told them they don't have to engage with my work just because I made it, but it seems they genuinely enjoy what I write. Andrew said he could see the connection between my comics and Animaniacs, back in our lives thanks to the reboot, and I started to cry. I'm not exaggerating. I grew up wanting to be an animator and work on that show, or do something about those lines. It's the best compliment I've ever received about my comics (I don't receive any, but even if I did, nothing could top this one).
Other stuff this week is that once again I got pissed off at my girlfriend, this time over a matter of her not telling me when she's busy when we're talking, and either I have to wait for her response until I get bored, or she cuts me off at the last minute when the matter at hand requires her attention. It doesn't happen "all the time", and I've left her waiting myself a few times when something requires my attention outside the phone. I do think it was a valid concern, though, it's annoying, but also I get incredibly angry at her.
I was sensible enough to tell her what was bothering me without making a fuss. She promised she'd change that, and she actually extended the courtesy I needed the next day (as I usually do with her when that's the case), but in my insides I remained pissed off. It's not a dealbreaker for our relationship at all, but when something bothers me with her, IT BOTHERS ME and I just want to tell her off.
I've probably said this before but my relationship with her (besides, of course, being a precious thing) unleashes my potential of borderline personality symptomatology like no other relationship has. When my judgement is clouded I want to tell her to go fuck herself, but at the same time I realize I'm overreacting and following my heart on this would only hurt her. So I just take some distance until I'm ready to behave again.
It's a shame that when people ask me, like yesterday in the panel, what I've been doing during the pandemic, I can't say I've been doing her.
***
Most things are going OK. Actually, I have no complaints at the moment, unless we count the struggle of trying to get my book noticed. I know Andrew and my girlfriend enjoyed it, I get comments or questions from them that I'd only dream of receiving, so again, that means a lot. But it's been out for a month and I've gotten no feedback or reviews. I've found a few typos in the book, which is excruciating, but having it ignored (disliked?) breaks my heart a bit. I don't think it's a bad book.
But hey, I'm in good health, with a decent job and a nice work-life balance. My friends, family and lovers are doing well, most of them for the most part, and there's always something to look forward to. I don't take any of this for granted.