Last one of this cursed year
Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2020 - 3:30 pm.

I'll break the tradition of writing on Saturday so I can squeeze in one more entry before the year ends.

This is not entirely a end-of-year post, though, or at least it's a short one. I count my blessings and losses weekly. We're still in a pandemic, no surprise there, and I don't think I have much to add to the collective reflections of those who have been hit by it and/or are the most aware about it.

I have been one of the best case scenarios of the pandemic among the peasants *knocks on wood*. I kept my job, I was able to live my life and work from home, I had no young/old/ill people to look after, my relationship with Andrew is a source of joy and comfort and I even got another relationship that's just as nice, with Helen. I had a few speaking engagements and I could share some of the knowledge I've gained. Hell, my beloved book is finally out and while it has such a modest reach, it's getting some love.

Then, my family is still here *knocking on wood intensifies* Parents, siblings, nephews and nieces. I fear for all of them and wish they remain safe and healthy, but I fear particularly for those of whom are still in my home country. Elections will happen in two months and things are looking grim, with a dictatorship on the rise. I'm so terrified for them I want to cry and run in circles and figure out how to bring them all here.

My extended family, on the other hand, is now missing two of my cousins. I'm not sure when I'll travel to my home country to make this real, but I think it won't be anytime before June. On top of the virus, it's the whole political situation.

My cousin's novena finishes tonight. I was online every night except for the first two nights, the 22nd and the 23rd. I don't quite pray along, as I'm a believer but I seem to believe in a different way, but I was there. That's been my biggest mantra lately, be there. Show up. And even though the praying is a droning sound, the event of coming together itself has been a bit healing for me. I hope it brings comfort to my cousin's closest family and friends, too.

My friend CR wrote me in reply to a holiday message I sent him. He took the opportunity to tell me I was the woman of his life and that he couldn't love anybody else because they weren't me. It didn't surprise me.

I was just sorry to hear he contracted covid AND nearly drowned some time this year (but not both simultaneously). Hence, seeing death in the eye made him "man up" (ugh) and tell me. I was like, yeah, I know ¯_(ツ)_/¯. So now he can live in peace.

Well, I'm a little all over the place right now. I'm a little pissy because I've had to dedicate a few hours of yesterday and today to look into work stuff for my two groups of undergrad students who will be defending their thesis in January.

I'm indignant, INDIGNANT I tell you, over having to work during the recess. However, because of my anger, I didn't make the best decisions regarding something and now I'm fielding emails from the my students. Nothing to lose sleep over, bad nor unfixable, but I sure would love to be using this time to do something else.

Speaking of doing something else, I have courses to take, books to read, comic scripts and posts to write. Life goes on, eh, and we're just doing the best we can.

I'm just grateful. I read somewhere that we shouldn't consider 2020 a lost or a wasted year. All we did or stopped doing helped us and others stay alive. We just have to keep taking care of each other. We need care and solidarity to face 2021 and whatever it brings.

Happy New Year.

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