Burnout and a(nother) literary event
Friday, Apr. 02, 2021 - 4:38 pm.

Good Friday, a holiday. Back in my day, back in my (overwhelmingly religious) home country, I used to get the whole week off. The Holy Week, along with Christmas holidays, are the most eloquent evidence of how my life has changed. There's probably a commentary here about being Raised Catholic, but I'm too burned out to pull it through.

But also, no surprise in the above, life changes. One grows up and some of us also move out, on top of coming out. I'm not longing for those old days, to be clear, I'm not necessarily nostalgic about them. I had some good times and I always hoped Jesus would avoid his horrific fate, but that's about it.

I have a little literary event tonight. I seem to get invited to these kind of talks and "in conversation" events often, but it's been just a few during the pandemic and it seems this one is the last one, at least for for now. It's about mini-fiction. I got the questions in advance (what a difference it makes instead of having to wing it on the spot) and they're actually pretty great. I'm kind of looking forward to it.

I'd planned on working a bit today, but I woke up way too late and I've been off with my timing the whole day. It's fine that I don't work on my day off though, right? Even if I wanted to make some progress to save time on Monday.

Speaking of work: my research project starts running this month. I'm a bit scared but mostly I'm excited.

Something else I am: exhausted. Sometimes physically, but mostly emotionally and mentally. Burned out, like I said in the beginning. I've spent a year within four walls and will continue to do so for at least six more months. It's always "six more months".

This has also resulted in me feeling less and less psychologically available to my girlfriend.

I don't want to lose her and I keep making the effort. But it also sucks that I *have to* make the effort. She's wonderful, she's nothing but a fierce supporter and a sweetheart to me. We're having our weekly videocall tomorrow, I'll try to bring it up.

I said I'll try.

That is all for today. It's almost 5 pm and I'm still full from the pancakes Andrew made this morning. Bless this guy forever. I'll go do some lounging before the event. Stay safe, take care of your body and sould, and don't let down the guard yet.

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