Friday, May. 28, 2021 - 5:47 pm.
This week was supposed to be a mid-term break, but I still had to work a bit every day. I don't appreciate it, but I couldn't afford not doing it. We're starting data collection for my research project and my thesis students are making progress with their own research proposals.
Also over the week, I kept getting other notifications about our journal submissions (most of them bad news, that is, more work) but my boss and I agreed that any communication we'd send each other this week would be just to put a pin on it. She had a hysterectomy on Monday, but she was still sending me emails from her room after the surgery. She's a workaholic, she says it keeps her sane. I can see that working out for her. Nevertheless, get some rest and recover, boss!
I had a wonderful meeting with my four thesis students this morning. It was the first time they were presenting their progress. They get along nicely, and I think it was a great opportunity for the more advanced students (the two master's) to provide some guidance for the undergrad dyad.
I came out to them, too, I thought that was an important thing to do. They didn't say anything, as I threw in the bit in the middle of a story about biphobia in academia. Their research derives from my own, so all our talking revolved around heteronormativity, minority stress, coming out, and well-being. I'm very happy with this little lab of my own.
Andrew had to work this week too, despite being on the mid-term break (we're colleagues in the same uni). We did get the chance to meet up with some friends, on separate ocassions, and whom we know are careful. The virus is still out and about, so we're not about to relax the measures for the rest of the year, but we are also in need of socializing.
We also had our last interview with the social worker for the adoption process on Wednesday. I had fun with these interviews. She seemed confident we have a good profile as parents, but we have yet to start the same assessment process with the psychologist because she continues to be fully booked. We have months to go before we can get on the adoption database.
Other news: My parents finally went to the beach! I talked to them on Sunday and I ended up crying out of guilt. My dad made a long explanation as to why they were not going, and my reaction was cold, as if I didn't believe him (I was exasperasted with his long explanations, half of which were excuses). The videocall continued as if nothing, but I could see he was quietly looking down and wiping tears as I changed the subject and talked to my mom.
I felt so heartbroken and guilty. I know it is painful when you're in pain and someone doesn't believe it or dismiss it. I know he suffers a lot, I don't doubt that. I know I've said many negative things about him, and I stand by them, but I would never, ever want to hurt him. I cried a lot that night, with a heavy heart and a huge knot in my throat.
I did notice what was happening, I realized I'd hurt him, so I managed to steer the conversation. We ended up having a very enjoyable, affectionate videocall. Seeing the next day that, after all their reasons not to go, they did go, was a huge weight off my back. Brother and Sister-in-law #1 are visiting home this week, so they each took their set of parents to SIL's parents' beach house, and they all ended up staying there for three days. I got a video of my mom dancing and smiling, and a picture of my mom and dad at the beach during the sunset, and I feel so happy.
Lastly, I had a much-needed, much sought-after insight this week: I am probably not made for long-distance relationships. Or at least, I am in no condition to nurture one in my current life situations. I have yet to tell this to my girlfriend, but I'm waiting for the Saturday videocall because, in keeping with my reasons, I absolutely don't want to have a long conversation over text.
I feel like this entry could be worse. I could be whining about having to work when it was supposed to be on a break from work, but my students' presentations left me in a good mood. I did not do, say, 75% of the things I said I'd do (all involving writing), but I'm being kind to myself. Life did get in the way, in the form of friends, side gigs, or a piece of furniture that took Andrew and me (mostly Andrew) five hours to put together.
Hey, it's gonna be June next time I come to write in here. Take care of yourself and stay safe <3
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