Saturday, Oct. 09, 2021 - 9:55 am.
I burned part of the back on my hand on Monday. Not a lot of skin was harmed but the burned part blistered a bit. The next day I hurt my leg exercising. My foot has hurt for years here and there (it’s a bit uneven, maybe?), and sometimes, the pain climbs up to the muscles in my leg.
Add to this that lately at work I’ve dealt with a lot of rejection and critiques. It’s not as dramatic as it sounds, it’s about papers submitted for review at scientific journals. But it gets to you after a while, if you spend all day reading about the things you did that are wrong, or simply that you’re not a good fit.
It’s not personal, I know, but I got tired of not having a win, of feeling that what I do is not good enough, and I cried about it this week. I do have a few papers that are accepted on the condition of fixing this and that, but making the changes to make a reviewer happy can also be very taxing and time-consuming.
I think the hardest blow this week was not being accepted for the national psych conference, at the end of October. I did not expect that my study would be rejected. I was baffled. I was hurt. I thought what I did was good, but then again I did not have the judges’ criteria. I’d promised this presentation to the funding source of my research project, too.
Luckily, one of the students I supervise got her study accepted in the same conference, and her study is part of my project. This did feel like a win! She’s worked so hard and I’m proud of all that she’s accomplishing (and helping my project in the process!). It’s so rewarding to see your students going places.
With all this, except the latter paragraph, I haven’t been feeling my best. I feel like a failure (for starters, the hypotheses that shape my study fell apart) and I snap very easily at work demands.
At least we have a day off on Monday due to some holiday, and my uni is giving us a full week break next week. I need a vacation, even if Andrew and I are not going anywhere.
Oh, and this Wednesday I have the first part of my driving test! Time slots suddenly opened, after they were available until September 2022. I have to study this weekend for the theoretical exam. I did well in the practice eye and reaction tests so that should be ok. And then they’ll give me a date for my actual driving test.
I guess that’s all. No use in dwelling on my failures. I do have fun most of the times in my work, you know, when I get to work on my project (more than on my boss’s project) and analyse data and read papers and plan what’s next. I try to focus on this, lick my wounds, and make the best of my botched findings.