Saturday, Oct. 23, 2021 - 6:06 pm.
I’m relaxed and well rested. God bless, eh? I’ve had a great week staying away from work. With the exception of a presentation for a conference next week, my thesis student and I will be sharing the stage (so I can get the damn certificate). But that wasn’t time-consuming.
I think the biggest news is that I broke up with my girlfriend, Helen, last Saturday. After writing last week’s entry, I couldn’t deny it anymore: I don’t have the head nor the heart to nurture another romantic relationship, let alone a long-distance one. It’s not fair to her to sit around waiting and it’s exhausting for me to try to keep up.
I told her everything that was going on and she understood. Reluctantly, but she did. I like her the same, and funnily enough, we’ll pretend we’re dating until next year, so her sisters and friends will get the news of our break-up after they know Helen and I have met in person. Some of them are waiting to tell her “I told you this would happen for dating a married woman”, like I was just using her and dropped her like a toy when I got bored.
So things very much look the same for an outsider, but we’re friends now and I feel relieved. I still lust for her, she still manages my IG comics account (truly, this project is more hers than mine). I love having her in my life and me being part of hers, but there were expectations that I couldn’t meet anymore, and breaking up was the only way to manage them.
With this and the uni break, I feel I was able to relax this week. Worked on some strips, exercised some, watched movies and series with Andrew. He and I went out on Monday and Wednesday for errands, coffee and a bit of shopping. We’re aware the virus is still around, though, and we’re careful: masks, distance, and coming back home quickly.
We do have to attend a surprise birthday party tonight, which we absolutely resent. We’re going because it’s the birthday of the friend who hosted us (and our cats) our first week in Sheffield in her tiny apartment with her husband and daughter; and who rented us her house for four months after we returned from Sheffield while we found our footing. Andrew and her were undergrad classmates here, and later she earned the PhD scholarship the same year as us, so the three of us share Sheffield history.
What we resent is that: it’s at 10 pm, it’s a costume party, and the invitation snowballed and now it’s a party of 20 people. I think the latter is just irresponsible. The time and the costume things are just annoying to Andrew and me. Also, I don’t know any of those people who keep making plans. Andrew and I decided we’re not dressing up and we’re just chatting up with our birthday friend for a bit and then we’re coming back home.
I’m sorry, I know I must be coming across as an absolute delight of a person right now. I’m just not a late-party, costume-party, party-full-of-strangers-during-a-pandemic type of person. I'll put on my most charming face for this, I promise.
This week: I have my exam for my driving license on Tuesday. Wish me luck! I also will present at the National Psych Conference with my thesis student. I was gonna start the Mapuche language course this week too, but it got cancelled because not enough people enrolled. I’m a little heartbroken, I was really looking forward to it.