In a parallel reality
Saturday, Jul. 30, 2022 - 10:20 pm.

Well, hello from my home country. I'm staying with my sister, in Nephew #2's bedroom. He has the best room in the house, on the second floor and with windows overlooking a tiny forest. My nephew's house-sitting and dog-sitting at his girlfriend's for a few weeks while she's away, so I got to stay in his room.

Overall, my trip has been lovely.

I've had a very relaxed trip. I only told three friends that I was coming, so I've been able to spend more time with my family and be at my leisure. I've had plenty of bonding time with my sister, and also with Brother and Sister-In-Law #3, my siblings who live here.

I even got my mom out of the house without my dad on Wednesday. We just went bra shopping and for ice cream, but I wanted to give her a break from my dad, even if she wasn't too keen on it. She denies herself a lot of things, out of duty, out of habit, maybe a bit out of fear of upsetting my dad. It breaks my heart.

My dad's behaved. Sort of. I wouldn't know where to start talking about him, but he's OK, all things considered. He seems content having me around, but I've been avoiding spending time with him, because after all, all he does is talk about himself.

He's asked a few questions about my life, but he doesn't know how to listen to anyone besides himself, nor how to be around me. My sentences, often responses to questions he made, get cut off by him ignoring me or interrupting me and changing subjetc. He doesn't even look like he cares that much about me after a while.

That doesn't mean I haven't spent time with them. I've seen them everyday (except yesterday), we've had lunch or coffee. Both my mom and my dad have mobility issues, so it's usually at their home. We did go out for lunch for their 54th anniversary this week. And I'll still go have coffee with just the two of them before I leave, because my dad mentioned he wanted that. Nevertheless, he's often oblivious to me, so again, I haven't been very motivated to hang out with him.

I met with Helen, too. She travelled to be here this week just to see me. I've had so much fun hanging out with her. We've gone shopping, for coffee, for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. She's been amazing, giving me rides everywhere and every day, except for today. We had breakfast at the beach yesterday, just because I wanted to at least see the sea.

I couldn't hold my word about not having a physical relationship with her. I couldn't do that, twice. But I've told her that I can't keep up with this aspect of our relationship. She understands and respects me, and follows my lead; we've only ended up in bed because I'm weak. Mostly we have a very close, sometimes flirty, friendship.

A part of me would like to do a recap of every day. I suppose I should've written every night and then come and paste the text here. Suffice to say, however, that my days have been filled with great food, good company from friends and family, and even some queer stuff. My friend Virginia took me to a sort of communal queer house, and I sent Helen there to attend a viewing party for All-Stars Drag Race finale. I couldn't go because Andrew's waiting for me to watch the finale.

The country's a nice place to visit if you're a tourist, but living here continues to be hell. The government propaganda is raging. I feel I've come to a parallel reality, and that shit fucks with your head. I'm on the privileged side for sure, but I know what goes on underneath all the flaunting. It's not even that hard to see. This place is horrible, forsaken, neglected, unsafe, hostile, and it can kill you. Cops and soldiers still take people away over nothing in some areas, while those who are wealthy believe to be safe in their fortresses.

I go back home, to my adoptive home, on Tuesday. I packed today to make sure I have room for everyhing, but the weight is always what gets me. The parallel reality has been swell, as it has been seeing friends and family, so I'm sorry to leave. My life over there awaits, though. Andrew and the cats are waiting for me.

Oh, I did have to work this week. Stupid grant application. I'm still waiting for even more corrections, but the deadline for submitting this application is Tuesday, the day that I travel home so fuck them hard if they ask me to do big changes or ask me to do it too late. Fuck that uni people. I worked on that application since mid-June. Fuck their irresponsibility.

That aside, it has been a great trip. I'm grateful for having had such a good time, and having the chance to be with my family and close friends, Helen included. Hopefully things will be just as lovely for the remaining days. Then it's me fucking off in Business Class for once, and going back to another reality. Then cue the survivor's guilt.

Talk to you next week when I'm back to my routine. Stay safe.

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