Saturday, Nov. 05, 2022 - 8:28 pm.
I'm hungover from last night. Andrew caught the Negroni Sbagliato With Prosecco In It fever and prepared that drink for a night in with my boss/his former boss and our colleague, B.
We mourned and celebrated our also boss and colleague M (without whom we probably wouldn't even know B). We caught up with the very real Game-of-Thrones type of drama going on at uni now that M, a poweful academic in charge of many resources, has passed away. Most importantly, I strengthened my professional and personal bonds with my boss; B's my mentor and she has always supported me, and we made a pact to continue working together for a long time.
In a nutshell, it was a comforting and much needed evening with her.
I once told my therapist that I've experienced the death of relatives and friends, but at 37 years old I've never been on the receiving end of the condolences. I am this time, it's a shame I'm not seeing my therapist anymore to let her know. Some people have to me they're sorry for my loss. I appreciate that.
I wasn't as close to M as Andrew and other people, but she was my teacher, boss, co-author and such. It's her name as sponsor and supervisor on the grant I won a few weeks ago to "insert myself in academia" and finally start my career as an academic. She had faith in me.
I do wonder who will be my boss now, but there's time to figure that out. The important thing is that B's got my back so I can execute my insertion project, and she said she'll always be there for me. And I'll always consider her my boss, though by now we're peers.
Lastly on this topic: I always understood it in theory and I could imagine it, and I've seen it in others, but now I've experienced this thing that grief comes in waves.
The hangover is keeping me from wanting to do anything right now, but quick things:
- I still managed to drive an hour and a half, back and forth, to have lunch with Andrew and his parents today.
- It's Brother #3's birthday. I hate that I'm not closer to my siblings. We're always in touch for the important stuff and we love and support one another, but I for one have a hard time picking up the phone just to chat.
- It's also Bonfire Night. I like where we are in life right now, but I still miss the UK so much that it breaks my heart on a daily basis.
- Because I won that grant and I'll start earning more, Andrew and I made a second offer for a house that was out initially of our budget. More properly, we said we could take the owners' offer. They're out of town for who knows how long, so they'll let us know their answer when they return. I'm nervous about getting the house and about losing it, so whatever happens, it's OK.
- These weeks of loss and people comforting one another have made me glad that I'm going to my home country for Christmas. I'll miss Andrew so much but we'll spend New Year's Eve together.