We made it into the hamster wheel!
Friday, Mar. 17, 2023 - 8:57 pm.

I'm on full academic mode. I'd never had such a demanding job like this, although this is the expected path for someone like me: doing research, teaching, some admin. I enjoy working with students, though I prefer the postgrad ones.

Andrew is in the same spot as I am, our career have grown in parallel. This week we both have looked at ourselves and said: we made it.

We fucking made it.

We got the job we've been pursuing for so long, the one we've been training for nearly 20 years now(!).

(the job in question a fucking hamster wheel but oh, well)

We're tired at the end of the day, and the end of the week, but we're so, so satisfied. I have a long to do-list with deadlines, and I could get all stressed about how little progress I seem to make, but I'm taking it easy. I'm learning about appreciating the small steps: I didn't finish this or that, but I have more than I had hours ago.

Also, I'm trying to leave work at the office and have a life once I'm home, which is doing wonders. As much as I love my job, the reason why I work 44 hours per week is just so I can support my doodling. It's the little things, you know.

The downside to all this is that I've decided that I won't be travelling to my home country to see my family in May. We get a week off at uni that month, but now it's too late for me to buy plane tickets. I'd also like to rest that week, work on my stuff, and maybe even get some medical check-ups (I got a free medical check-up at uni today, as an employee benefit. My vital signs are golden, God bless).

But it does break my heart to be so far away from my family, physically and maybe emotionally. I'm not there for them, and they can't be here for me to share the good things I'm achieving (though don't tell my parents my field is gender and sexuality). I talk to my parents twice a week, but my siblings and I don't talk much. We have the best of relationships, in terms of loving, caring and supporting one another, but we're not so much into picking up the phone to say hey, I guess.

Argh, don't make me think about this too much. I probably said this already here, but one thing I know I'll regret later in life will be not spending more time with my siblings. But it's hard, we all have our own lives and most of us are far away from one another. We're spread all over the continent.

(it sounds like we're dozens of siblings, we're five)

Anyway, I'm really tired and I'm just rambling. But I'm rambling from the heart!

No progress on house, adoption, UK visa to go there in July. For the latter at least I should pick up the pace, that's a thing under my control. For the other two, we need people to move out of their houses and that the child welfare system stops being a prick to us.

See you soon. Stay safe.

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