Graduation day.
Saturday, 11/23/02 - 1:47 pm.

As clich� as it may sound, I have the feeling tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. There are more years for me to live, or there are less years for me to live. I guess it depends on the point of view (like the half-empty-or-half-full glass question).

Usually, when november arrives and school finishes, I always have people asking me: don't you wish things were what they used to be?. "When everything was easier", you were just a child, you had no big problems, or at least you weren't conscious enough to notice them. I'm pretty sure the last person that asked me that question was Denver (he's an emotional screw-up....but aren't we all?). It's just nostalgia. Specially around christmas, the happiest time in (a normal) childhood. When you grow up you notice how gray, elitist, hypocrite and capitalist it is. Or at least you don't feel the same magic.

But honestly, I'm ok with the way things are. I don't miss things being easier, I don't entirely miss my childhood (except for certain activities). Back then, I didn't know all the things I know now. Back then, my life was definitely easier, but also a bit more limitated. Ignorance is bliss doesn't convince me all the time. Most of times, I'd rather know.

Then I think that experiences in the end mean nothing, because then you die and it's like nothing happened. These past days I thought a lot about dying before graduation, after 11 years of working hard. All I could say was that it'd be a joke. A lame, cruel joke, if I, or some other classmate (specially the ones that started with me in pre-school), died before the graduation ceremony.

And after those fatalist thoughts, the line from Amazing comes to mind: life's a journey, not a destination. Of course, we all know where we're going: we're going to die. But the difference, the small difference, lies beneath the way we live life. Maybe what we learn in life is useless 6 feet under, but as long as you're not 6 feet under you can still apply what you learned.

***

I'm waiting for Mikey. He's coming from CA for a couple of days, I haven't seen him since 9th grade. And yet, he's one of my best friends. It'll be awkward to see him arrive at school after all these years (well, just two). It's always awkward for me to see someone I haven't seen in a long time. Even if it's my brother (the one in Houston).

During graduation reheralsal, I couldn't help feeling some kind of pride toward my friends. I know that feeling will be stronger this evening. Specially with the ones I'm close to. And perhaps more specially, Denver. I've tried to stay away from everything I relate to him. I don't think of him all the time anymore. Yesterday we chatted online for a few minutes. I think everything's cool now.

I'm not sure if I'm nervous about my reading. I really can't tell. I've done it before in mass, but...not with an average of 800-1000 people. I was told I read very well, I just have to read slower. Stand straight, vocalize, read slow, eye contact with the audience...and before you know it, people repeats thanks be to God and I get off the microphone.

Today I went to get my hair straight (no hair-do, just get it smooth). I cleaned up my uniform shoes (for the seventh time in two years). I got a "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!" call from my favorite cousins. And that's all. I'm off to school at 3 o'clock, mass starts at 4:00. I'll be getting my high school diploma at around 5:40. And after the dose of melodrama graduation brings, I'll come back home to eat chinese with my family (no, I don't party. Not the usual way, anyway).

...I suppose I should start getting ready.

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