Sunday, 10/28/01 - 4:15 p.m..
I've been in "off". Just because my life isn't being taped I don't belong to the real world? Oh, fuck it. I don't want to be on Mtv yet.
the guy and I have a new record. We talked on the phone every fuckin' day this week. I mean, from monday to friday. Monday & wednesday I called him. The other three days he did. I thought we wouldn't talk after wednesday, since we had nothing to talk about. Well, his other head did find something and asked him to call me on thursday and friday. Of course I didn't tell him, who do you think I am? I need to work some more on my assertiveness.
God, I just hope he gets a girl before I get a boy. I'd feel a bit sad if I called him, telling him all about my sweet boy (shyeah, right) and he's all alone, whishing for that someone....ok, no. That's not the reason. The reason is...he's stupid enough to go and try to steal everybody's girlfriend (he's done it with Norman's and Rene's [ex..they broke up]). What if he tries to pick me up until I have a boyfriend? I'd probably be a shameless weak person and I'd probably dump the boy for him. Well, since any of that isn't happening, I can cut the crap. However, I still hope he gets a partner before I do. That's the only way I'll get over him, although I know it'll hurt like a fuckin' open wound being washed with alcohol and lemon juice.
Hey, there's a new address on the net....*.info site. No more comments.
Yesterday I did some weird shit. I prepared breakfast for my parental unit and brother. Man, that is weird. But I learned that I do things better when I do them without anyone telling me to do so. If dad would have asked me to cook, I'd have done it swearing and pissed off.
I woke up today and I found this christmas breeze going on already. About time. I went to a neighbors' place to buy Coca-Cola (their house is four houses away from mine...I don't exactly "know them" but they sell Coca-Cola, so they have me over often). I took Frog with me. Fuck, a dog tried to fuck her (Frog). It was my fault though, I thought that dog was female. Until I saw him trying to be on top of her. Even the first seconds, I though she was lesbian and Frog was not, because she was trying to avoid her....him. Until I finally landed in real world. Dogs are all straight, as far as I know. shit, she's male. Dude looks like a lady.
From the street, the sky looked as if it was dawning....have you seen the sky when it's dawning at the beach? It pretty much looked that way, althought it was 9:30 a.m. I crossed the street to see the volcano and oh, shit. The clouds were covering its top. Charming. All that was left in the picture was an UFO. Right now the breeze is dragging the clouds back and forth, and I could go to the yard and lie on the grass. But you never know if Frog's been there before.
Although the guy called me on friday, he's not the main person who's been in my mind. It's Melvin. But not "that way". It's just....a few weeks ago Rene told me that last year Melvin told him (a whole gossip thing) that he liked me. I laughed in his fuckin' face...well, in his fuckin' monitor, we were talking online. That's impossible, I said. We're so fuckin' different. Yes, we are. Plus, we have this sort of "teacher-student" relationship, because he treats me like a fuckin' teacher more than as a friend. I apreciate that he respects me but he's respecting me the wrong way. Anyway....lately we've been getting closer. Not that we hang out or anything...we just...have more contact. In the classroom, he's been in the same desk the whole year. I have been in the same desk the whole year. My desk has been in front of his the whole year. That's all. I asked him to sign my notebook with a "happy vacation-see you next year" note. He took all the letters from my name and wrote qualities with them...like intelligent, great and other shit I don't buy (on a shameless sider note, I'd like to think I am those things). But hey, I'm a paranoid being. I'm sure that's not true.
On the other hand, people do not rock. I'm not a person. So I rock.
No, seriously. There must be something wrong with me. OR, there must be something wrong with the people who surround me. But like the WWF commercial says, 35 millions of people can't go wrong. That's tricky. Of course, even if you tell 'em they're wrong, they can come up to you and tell you: no, we're not wrong, YOU are. That's how democracy works, I guess. If it's me against them, with no one in between, of course they'll say they're right and they'll get away with it.
Conclusion: 35 millions of people can go wrong, but since they don't know and they don't want to know, and they're more than you, they're right.
I was watching Speed yesterday. It was the first time in a long time I watched a movie and right before fifteen minutes it ends, the lights go off. I was really angry. I think I hadn't watched a movie this whole year. But 2 minutes later, I didn't give a fuck. Hey, it's a Hollywood movie. The good guy kills the bad guy and gets the good gal. I asked my brother and yes, that was basically the end.
I have the math exam tomorrow. I've studied my ass off. Ok, enough to say I deserve a good grade. I missed one hour of Daria because I was studying.
Thinking of those many things that have happened in my life lately, I got to the conclusion that my life is apparently a soap opera. "Apparently". I don't know how it's finishing. *standing ovation*.
(Ppppssssstttt...Simeon!...hear the voice of the wind)...yeah, that might sound really Pocahontas but it's true. The wind is talking today. He says that people suck because no one takes the time to listen to him. His words, not mine. It's quite a neutral day today. The wind is closing the doors of my house, it's making the clouds cover the sun, so it's not sunny...but it's not cloudy either, because wind is dragging them back & forth....it's one hell of a day. You couldn't say if it's dawn or sunset. It's like time hasn't passed by.
These are the moments when I need that "someone"...when I need to share those little things that God created. Those little things I'm thinking of and I'm observing. When I need to be outside playing, no matter how's the weather. I know sometimes I sound as if I needed someone next to me when I'm sad but the truth is that I need someone who's with me when I'm sad and when I'm this way. Not exactly "happy" but um...smooth?
Why is it that if you talk to God you're very religious but if God talks to you you're fuckin' crazy?
I'm not mad at people, in case I sound that way. I'm mad at the way people act (yeah, ok, you can say I'm mad at people because of it). Yes, I know no one's perfect. But at least they could try to be......yeah, whatever. Maybe that's their nature...maybe that's our nature and I'm just trying to go against the flow. Well, actually, I don't need to "try". It seems my flow goes against the other flow.
You're unique. Everybody is unique. In the end, since everybody is unique, we're all the same.
DNA is interesting.
I gotta go. I feel guilty being here since I have a math exam tomorrow and I'm not studying. I'll go feel guilty somewhere else. Because I am, in no way, studying math anymore.
Dear Simeon, the weather is perfect to go bungee-jumping. But please, don't forget to tie yourself to the thread this time.
Always walking your dog,