Monday, 12/30/02 - 7:11 pm.
Ok, I lost my hugeass entry about my and Frog's experiences at the beach.
- went into a jacuzzi.
- kids are sunburned and happy.
- Frog kept me from thinking about stuff I shouldn't think about.
- For a while, at night, everything disappeared. I was holding Frog and it was dark, nothing could be seen, not even the beach, a few feet away from me. I just could hear the sea and feel Frog's breathing. Nothing else existed. I liked that feeling.
- Fuck this, the lost entry explained it all.
I had two dreams.
The one I had the night before we left for the beach (that I wanted to write about it in here before I left, but I couldn't make it)was some kind of 2x1 actually.
I was at the mall, picking up my yearbook (?). I saw some familiar faces, even his. But from far away. I went into the mall, walked around, and ran into Pablo and his 5 months-old brother (in real life, he doesn't have baby brothers). I spent an entire hour playing with the baby, he was terribly cute.
Then the dream finished. Suddenly, I was outside a house, and somebody's mom told me to come in. It was Pablo's mom. He and I were best friends, and his and my parents trusted so much in the both of us that they'd let us be in the house, and even in the bedroom, all by ourselves. I spent the entire day at his house, hanging out with him, and his parents even asked me to stay for dinner.
Then, last night, I dreamed of him....blah, blah, blah (I had explained it in the lost entry), and then he kissed my forehead. We sat on a bench and he put his hand on mine. We were about to kiss when suddenly I saw my dad's car parked not so far away from us. I quickly stood up, horrified, and said goodbye to him. Then, it was like an scene in my dream was missing, because the last thing I saw was him talking to my dad, who was still in the car....then Frog woke me up, and I took her out for a walk.
Now, I liked that dream. But it didn't affect me. I liked being friends with him again, seeing him and having him close to me. But it's not like I cried over it.
The first dream (with Pablo) did made feel something. It made me feel empty. It left me longing for a boy. For a boy friend. For a male friend, that is. A friend like Sam, from Clarissa Explains It All. I still feel the void. It's a strange feeling...why do I need that, anyway?
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK - FUCKIN'EXPLORER, FUCKIN' DIARYLAND, FUCKIN' "YOU COME IN HERE BY YOUR OWN WILL" URBAN LEGEND, FUCKIN' INTERNET PROVIDER AND ITS FUCKIN' STUPID WEBSITE WITH FUCKIN' POP-UP ADS!
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