Saturday, 02/15/03 - 6:46 pm.
I watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape? this morning. I liked DiCaprio's role. I liked Johnny Depp. I liked Juliete Lewis. I loved the movie. My mom never watches TV, but she was with me this time around. She does like that kind of movies, about human dramas or something.
I can't help feeling kind of bad when I don't get a reply from my friends. I didn't hear from Norman after I replied to his e-mail. But hey, that's typical.
At least I've been getting text messages from Rod. He told me he passed his driving lessons. That got me thinking about mine. I haven't even started, but my mom is already pushing me. I suppose I'll take driving lessons this week.
I've had a good day. Because suddenly it seems I can play the guitar, the piano and the harmonica......Not really, but I'm learning.....well, not really, but at least I'm trying. I took piano lessons for a year, but I'm not a pro. I can barely play "London bridge" in the harmonica, and I can only play the intro to some Beatles and Aerosmith songs on the guitar.
Victor is encouraging me. He's always saying how easy it is to play guitar, and that he was told I was a great harmonica player (urban legends, I say). He says I have to try again and again.
I suck at the three instruments. I can barely understand the basics....the very basics. And even understanding I can't translate them into music properly. The hammers and pull-offs and the bendings and the chords and all that.
Anyway, it feels good to be doing something like this. Trying to be a self-taught guitar/harmonica player (and half-self-taught piano player), on the verge of being a driver (I think it's too early to even say that, but what the hell)...I want to spend these two weeks (college starts on march 6th) doing something. Something good, something fun, something useful. Not just being bored around the house.
I hadn't listened to music for almost three weeks. No Aerosmith. Barely The Beatles. But today, since I found the harmonica tabs for Pink, I listened to some Aerosmith. I've been in a good mood today, actually.
Which is a weird thing, considering I feel lonely. I kind of don't want to get in touch with some of my friends. Yet part of me is scared that, by the time I decide to get back to them, there'll be no more friendship. I don't know...I feel lonely. But I also feel this lonely could be of some help for myself. To get over...stuff I've mentioned before.
I wondered...I wondered if I'd taken the right decision. But then Simeon said I shouldn't try to judge what I decided to do about him. Because it was the only way out. There wasn't any other option. Maybe if there'd been another, I could've said "oh, yes, this is better than the other".
It wasn't the right choice. It wasn't the wrong choice. It was the only choice. You can't judge it.
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