I'll do the math: I'm 65% sure that I'll pass math this year. Of course, you can't take anything for granted, so I keep on studying.

A girl named Juliet came over this afternoon. She came at about 4 p.m. and didn't leave until a few minutes ago. Parental units went out so it was just us and Frog. We played a lot with Frog. She loves her (I mean, Juliet loves Frog...well, the other way around, too). We kinda studied and we had supper. It was really nice, although our relationship doesn't go beyond being classmates.

Yesterday I called the guy...God, he sounded so happy. He said he was ready to get a 10 in math. I offered to send him the science summary and he said with a proud accent that he had already done his own, and that he was about to call me to offer it to me. Sweet. He sounded really positive. On the other hand, I wasn't that positive. I thought that this is something that always happens: you think you'll succeed but everything fails in the last second. I felt guilty after thinking that. He will do just fine. And I must do just fine, too.

He called today at 10 a.m. and I knew what he wanted. But I just said no in a gentle, indirect way. Plus, I'm sick again. I caught a cold a few days ago. So, I told him that if he wanted to do anything, I'd listen to him. He said no, that we were both supposed to do it. In the end, we didn't do anything. But somehow the words "useful" and "useless" came in the conversation. I told him that I was useless in that moment, because of my cold. He said he could make me feel useful. I kinda changed the subject and then we got back: he said that he could be very useful to me. I told him that I didn't need him to be "useful" for that. I basically told him that I don't want to use him for that matter (you know...*sex*). He seemed to appreciate what I said. But who knows, maybe it's just my paranoia. I can't quite remember what we said (*ovation*), because the whole idea I got from the conversation is one single word he called me: my child. He called me his child. Ok, it's not quite a big deal. I've been called child many times. But the possessive particle before the noun makes it so special. Althought I'm sure he just said that in a friendly way. Anyway....I just hope he gets the 10 he needs. I just hope I'll get the....grade I need (I don't even know what's the grade I need, but I guess it's between 6 and 8...but since 6 is a bit mediocre, I'll go for 7 and up).

It's weird how the past comes back. This year, I've felt so many things I felt in the past, and in the same way. Maybe it's a song, or a smell, or a certain situation (in no way dejav�). I won't talk about that right now, since that'd be too long...the truth is I can't think of any specific situation right now, but I do have thought and felt that. Today I was listening to Robbie William's Rock DJ...that's exactly the same song I was listening to last year, around this time, while I was so worried about my math exam, about this second chance school gave me to pass math. This was one of the songs that I listened to by that time. Today I realized that in the song he mentions Houston. What a coincidence. I was going to Houston last year, too. And everytime I listen to that song, I remember me, preparing all of my stuff for the trip, in case I don't fuck up the math exam. Maybe if had noticed that last year, I'd have thought that it was just a way of fate to laugh at me. But now that I see that, one year later, I believe it was a signal. Who knows.

My psychology text book asks me what a teenager looks for in a relatioship. It's one of the activities, that's why it "asks" me. What does a teenager want in a relationship? It depends of the level of maturity, I guess. Some just don't want to be alone. Others want someone to fuck with. Others want to have someone to show off. Others want to live to the max and not waste their lives and they get the first bimbo on their way, because they're desperate...because they're 13 and they haven't had a couple yet. There are many choices. Then, another question is that if every member of the couple becomes dependant of the other. Sometimes....well, don't get me started.

If you hold your emotions in, they'll all come sideways and you'll become a rock star - Steven Tyler.
It's one of my favorites quotes from him. Maybe because I expect it to come true. But then again, don't get me started on that one either.

I haven't told this here...75% of the Society is getting his ass out of school. Now that they've realized that, they're trying to find a way to hang in there. Idiots. The word imbecile fits them in. It suits them.

(He called me his child......I still can hear him).

I had a lot of stuff to talk about today...but
a) I'm nervous about the exam;
b)I can't fuckin' remember.
I can't wait until tomorrow. I want it to finish. I want to get through it already. I want this to end now. But I want it to end happily. 7, 7...that's all I ask for. God, how I hate math. I wish I was an amoeba so that I wouldn't have to study math....shit.

I was the last child
just a punk in the street.
Last Child - Aerosmith (oh, but of course).

Hate's in the city and my love's in the meadow...that only reminds me of New York. My brother lived in East Meadow. Plus, that's the first place where I listened to that song. There's another Aerosmith song...legendary child. But that might be a hoax. No one has ever listened to it.

Wait, here's another thing from the past: my cold. This kind of colds can't be found nowhere else but in this season. I once thought that maybe our lives happen in the same year. I mean, we use the same year over and over again. That's why when this season comes I feel so dejavu-ish...whatever...I don't have time to go deep on any subject but math right now. I know it's stupid. I know that all of my theories are stupid. But they keep me entertained.

I should get myself in a mental assylum.

prev / next