I'm reading a chapter for History of Culture I, which is about World Wars. They explain the whole thing about World War I and then about World War II, and then compare and...etc. I can't help thinking we're in the beggining of World War III, not exactly because I'm pessimist, but because I find similar patterns on the behaviors of the countries.

Listen to me, I'm such an analyst *rolls eyes*.

Yesterday I watched a TV show, and the plot reminded me a lot of D. No...well, let's say I hoped that what was happening in the story happened in my life, so I could have D back.

That's not going to happen, of course. But watching that sappy TV series made me think of him, miss him deeply and much worse, think miracles do happen. They don't, do they? Not when it comes to this.

I told Cel about it at night. I don't know what I'd do without her, she always (read: everyday) listens patiently to me, and comments on the subject. Sometimes she's positive, sometimes she's negative. Just like me. But she's such a good listener, I could never thank her enough for her help.

I don't want to go deeper on this, it's really too much. And repetitive, too.

Today's one of those days when you can't tell what time is it, because the wheather doesn't change. Right now, it could be noon, could be 7 am, or 3:30 pm. It's that lame.

Today's one of those days when I think of D a lot, in a sickening positive way. That disgusting "yes, it will work out, in the end it's gonna be alright" feeling. Guess what? the end happened a long, long time ago. And it wasn't alright.

But I have found a solution to those times when I'm positive about the relationship, thinking he will miss me, realize he does love me and come back...I only have to remember the one e-mail he once sent.

During the first weeks after we finished high school, there were a lot of personal surveys circulating, coming back and forth from and to some of my friends. You know, those "have you ever...", "what's your favorite..." or "how many times have you..." surveys.

He never answered them...except one. And I'll always remember the line: "the best?". He answered "being with Christine". I read that and I can't tell all of the thoughts and feelings I got. "Oh, ok....this is it". I don't know who she is, but I'm guessing she lives in LA. He once made a countdown (on the MSN messenger...his nickname was always: "17 days...", "16 days...") because she was coming to this country (that's all I knew...a "she" was coming and he wanted to see her. He didn't get to, and, months later, when I read the answer and that name, it kind of made sense to me).

The End.
(Lennon/McCartney).
And in the end
the love you take
is equal to the love you make.

I'm sorry, lads...that's not true, not this time.

(and yet I have this dumb voice in my head saying the opposite).

prev / next