Thursday, 03/27/03 - 1:50 pm.
This day in history:
36 years ago, The British Music Industry awarded John Lennon and Paul McCartney the prestigious Ivor Novello award for writing "Michelle," the most performed song in Britain in 1966 (1967) (I was listening to Rubber Soul, and more specifically to Michelle when I read this...not that you really care, do you?).
24 years ago, Eric Clapton marries Patti Boyd, the ex-wife of George Harrison, in Tucson, Arizona (1979). (I've heard it wasn't really awkward, as the three of them were friends, but...ouch...my wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss him).
I found pictures of Tom as Martha Stewart. I died laughing, I want Tom to be my uncle.
Cel is leaving for Canada. For good. I don't know when, she doesn't know when, but it's just a matter of time. She'll also probably go to New Hampshire (I almost hated her for that, because New Hamphire belongs to the "Aerosmith area"), in an exchange program, but that'll be for just a month.
It's funny, but most of my best friends (the ones I LOVE to be with) live in a foreign country: Head, living in Canada; Mikey, living in the US (California)...and in a near future, Cel, in Canada too (but away from Head, which is a shame, they could use each other's company and support -they're friends, too, you know...from the ESJ-).
I don't feel really affected by her leaving though. At least not right now. I'm happy for her. Her parents are going through some rough times, so leaving is the only solution. And she says she's glad to leave this place...wouldn't I?.
But then there's the other side of the situation. I'm not affected by her leaving, but there's something that's bothering me: Victor. He's very upset about it, and I know he'll feel he's lost her again (he "lost" her once in 9th grade, when they broke up). That's what worries me the most, he's gonna be devastated. They're finally back together and she'll have to leave. I told Cel last night that she'd better ask him today to be her boyfriend (screw tradition) so they could be together as much as possible. She said yes. She'd better do it, the bitch.
Cel says (changing topic) that I should try to get out of my depression, that it's about time. I wanted to tell her IT IS NOT DEPRESSION, because it is not. I don't know what it is, but it's not depression. I'm just empty/sick/tired, I guess. I'm SICK of my life, or rather I'm SICK of this schedule. Cel says I can make change happen. I don't know how. I'm not sure I want to. I just want to lie in bed and stare at the wall, which, by the way, I've found out I painted it wrong, for there's still a shade of the previous color.
- Cel: life is much more than this. There are so many things that can make you smile, cheer you up.
- Me: I already have it all.
I do. Surprise, surprise! A good family, food, clothing, a nice house, decent friendships, a dog named Frog...you know, stability.
- Cel: but you must be missing something.
I don't think so. I'm glad I'm alone. D is out of my system, he can go play cricket in England. I am glad to be alone. Honest.
I feel very empty. But maybe it's just my nature. I've always thought of myself as a loner, anyway. I've always been, it's just that over this past year and a half I'd found people, different to what I was used to, and I became really good friends with them. But high school finished, and now most of them are gone. I mean, phisically. And truth to be told, I'm not really affected by that. I said it when I began this diary, I'm more of a loner than a social being. To Fidel, I wasn't antisocial but asocial. I couldn't agree more.
So, after all, there's nothing unusual with me. You know what's really unusual? A signature that goes: Lennon/McCartney/Starkey
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