Thursday, 04/10/03 - 12:30 pm.
This day in music history:
Err, go here, if you're interested. It's kind of long and it's just about The Beatles.
You know, life hasn't been that bad at the UCA. I've talked to a couple of people, and I even got together with a boy, Isaac, who I thought was the one who hated me (and my friends) the most. I never disliked him, and I'm glad we're friends now. He's a nice guy, very kind and funny. He's VERY effeminate, too, but I cannot tell if he's gay or not.
You see, he, a girlfriend of his (he never hangs out with boys), another girl and I teamed up for a writing exercise. We read a beautiful tale, "the poor angel" (poor refered to poverty, not pity). We had to write the end of the story, so we all agreed on the ending and each of us wrote a version at home.
They read mine and said it was beautiful. I was embarrased, but they all agreed not to change anything, so it was entirely my version the one we read for the class. Another groups read their version, and I thought that mine was very fatalist and negative, although that's how I imagined the ending.
Then the professor read the original ending, and it had just two or three common elements with mine, but those were fundamental elements, so it turned out my ending was the most accurate, and the professor gave us (to Isaac, the girls and I) an extra point for the midterm (that we'll take after spring break). I have to give credit to my teammates, as we all came up with the idea, I just wrote it and added a couple of personal elements. The three of them were telling me: "way to go", "you're unbelievable" and clapping and cheering for me. It was really neat. I finally felt I was doing something good.
I have my first midterm today. Introduction to Psychology. I'm a bit nervous, but I've studied enough, I feel. I LOVE psychology, but it's kind of funny going through life analyzing behaviors and wondering where they come from.
I saw D yesterday. I arrived earlier to the UCA to study psychology with my friends, and when I took a break, I went to look for Cel to give her a drawing I made for her (Simeon's suicidal alter ego, Jesus, had fallen off a tree when the branch he tried to hang himself on broke down. The tree was in the middle of a field called Strawberry Fields -yes, of course, Beatles reference, how clever of me-).
I waited outside her classroom. I knew she has a class with Veronica and D, so I knew I was bound to see them both. D came out first and didn't see me until Veronica called my name. Then Cel approached.
They all told me that their professor hates them (it seems all of the people from the ESJ have a hard time at the UCA, either given by professor or classmates from other schools). They were late for class, and the professor said that just because they came from the ESJ they thought they could get away with getting in late (a boy arrived to class half an hour later and the professor didn't say anything). D told him they were just two minutes late, and the professor replied to him that he (D) just could never keep quiet. After that, the professor said: "you think you have yellow eyes, don't you?" -no one knew what he was talking about, and I still don't-. D replied "you mean, like my shirt?", because it so happened he was wearing a yellow shirt. Funny shit, really.
He looked pissed off rather than embarrassed, as Veronica and another girl (Astrid, also from the ESJ) did. Which I think is healthier and much more logical. I liked to hear he replied to the professor rather than he kept quiet.
We all walked to the cafeteria after I heard the story. I didn't say a word, because I felt very awkward among them. D and I didn't exchange a lot of words. They stayed around for a while and then left for their next class. I saw Rod, too. Veronica gave me a big, long hug, saying she missed me and that she loved me. I don't know why, but words didn't come out of my mouth, specifically because I had nothing to say. I couldn't think of anything, not even "me too" (in reply to "I love you"). I don't know why I feel dead when I'm among my friends (the friends I was close to in high school, that is).
It's not like D ignored me, but having heard what Cel described, I thought he'd look a bit happier to see me, and would try to make contact, like telling me a joke or something (all he did was talk about the incident with the professor, which I find healthier and much more logical)...I mean, talking to me, and not to the whole bunch.
- Me: did you see?
- Cel: what?
- Me: I told you he didn't really want me anymore.
- Cel: but he called your name when he saw you, why do you say that?
- Me: he's not like you said (here, here and here).
- Cel: baby, you (he and I) were among friends, you were in a crowd.
If we had been alone, it'd have been even more awkward. It's just Cel's perception. I like her opinion and I wish it was true, but it isn't. He's just being kind. He's just saying what he'd say about any girl friend.
- Cel: I think I'll always be the one who's positive about this, and you'll be the one...
- Me: the one who's realistic.
- Cel: no. The one who's negative.
(What's the difference?)
Everytime I see him, I am more convinced of his lack of feelings for me.
- voice 1: but oh, well. That's ok.
- voice 2: don't you be sarcastic.
- voice 1: I am not being sarcastic. I'm ok. I really am ok with that.
- voice 2: are you sure?
- voice 1: yes. I'm ok, and that's probably a good thing. I for one think it's better and much more logical.
TEXT MESSAGE:
Recipients: *D�s cell phone number*, *Veronica's cell phone number*.
Message: "one case that describes the Freudian Lapsus Linguae is the student who arrived to class two minutes late and said: "I'm sorry, I couldn't make it later".