Thursday, 11/08/01 - 8:00 p.m..
What I expected it to be a smooth, lazy day became my worst nightmare.
It all started out good. I'll succeed at science, I'm sure. Melvin & Veronica came home with me so that I'd help them to study english. The guy didn't show up.
Anyway, we had such a great time. We studied in my garden, lying on the grass. Melvin's abs (fuck, he's in good shape) were my pillow. By 3:30, I realized. I did. The guy called. God, he sounded so scared. He was so fuckin' worried about english. Melvin left at 4 p.m.. Veronica and I walked him to the bus stop. Then I started emailing the guy a few english exercises. Veronica and I started talking about this situation. Tomorrow is the day for many, many people.
Melvin called me later, to let me know he made it home safely. And also said that he was calling me to tell me something before I got upset, if it happened....he wants me to cheat, if he gets so desperate in the middle of the exam. I won't. I can't. That's too dangerous. For the both of us. Then he said that tomorrow he'll arrive with red eyes because he'll be crying all night long in desperation. That broke my heart.
Veronica's boyfriend, Clown, has the same problem. The guy has the same problem. Maybe 80% of the juniors has the same problem. Failing english, according to Fidel, was the reason why many people get thrown out of school. I didn't believe me him. I know some people suck at english but I didn't think it was too serious. Now, here I am, about to cry. I have 10 and 9. I see no problem. I tried to help the guy but he just couldn't make it. He couldn't come to my house. He's scared to death. And I can't do anything. That breaks my heart even more.
The two guys I love the most, one of my best friends (when we're together, I feel Veronica is the same girl I met years ago) and her boyfriend and many other people are about to fail this year....I can't do a lot.
I want to call the guy to see how's he doing. But someone is on the phone right now. Dammit. He treated me a bit bad today when we talked on the phone. It was mostly in a friendly way, but I don't know, I feel he's in some way mad at me because I don't have problems with english and he does. And I understand that.
I feel so helpless. I can't help anybody anymore. I feel frustrated. I'm scared to death. Not for me. For them. My poor child, Melvin. My poor guy....him. My poor friend, Veronica...and her boyfriend, who is hopeless already.
I want to talk about this, I fuckin' want to. I really don't want to talk about this right now....um, well, you get the point. But I can't say this to anybody. The ones I can tell are the ones who I'm so fuckin' worried about. Well, actually, they do know. But what can I do or say to make them pass the exam with the grade they need? nothing. Words are useless. And beyond talking, I can't do a thing for them. I feel so damned impotent.
I can't stand this horrible feeling. I just hope the english teacher has mercy on my friends.
prev / next