Monday, 04/14/03 - 2:46 pm.
Today's my nephew's birthday. Javier turns 7 today. 7, such an odd number...err, anyway. He gets cuter, funnier and smarter (and more of an fan of The Beatles) everyday. He wants to play the drums, like Ringo. But he also claims he's Joe Perry. It's exciting to see your little babies grow up, isn't it?....and to know you're having an influence on them it's priceless. I mean, yes. My brother and my sister always come up to me and tell me: "look what you've taught to my child!!!!!". It's truly rewarding.
Cel's computer crashed and her phone died. I haven't talked to her in days and I miss her so.
She belongs to my top five people (in no particular order): her, Mikey, Head and Victor. They are the ones I LOVE talking with. Mikey and Head live in North America (one in USA, the other in Canada), but I'm closer to them than to people who are phisically close to me.
They haven't logged on these past nights, so I'm forced to log onto another account. Partly out of boredom and partly because I'm hoping D will be on.
He was on last night. He started out excessively polite to me - "I'm fine, thanks a lot for asking..." What the fuck? I mean, yes, all nice and polite, but very unlikely of him.
He asked me what I'd like to have or do. He said he was doing a survey to find out if he was the only one who didn't know.
Now I think I could've answered something more honest, like "nothing". Instead, I said that there are a lot of material things I want, that everything depends......I hate that question.
It's really weird, the way he talks to me now. Well, maybe not. Maybe it's just me. But sometimes he sounds so full of self-pity, some other times he sounds like he truly cares about me.
The only thing that makes sense in my mind is that he feels guilty for screwing me over the way he did, so he's trying to make that up by being nice and polite. He probably thinks that he knows I wouldn't be so fucked up if it wasn't for him (and that's how it is, actually). He's just pretending he cares. The little conscience he has tells him I could be a little hurt, so he's just being nice to me (like it made any difference) to live in peace with it. I bet he thinks he didn't do anything to hurt me.
I'm thinking of trying to rebuild our friendship, as lame as it is. I'm following this drive, although I shouldn't. We all know what happens when I try to give it a shot. Things get worse (he's the same, nothing changes, and that's what get things worse) and I end up bitching and crying and attempting-to-attempt suicide, saying I shouldn't have given it a shot.
But maybe if I learn to see him as a friend, this would come to an end. I wouldn't have sudden breakdowns, I could forgive him (frankly, I HIGHLY doubt it), we'd have a casual conversation here and there, and when he says: "I have to go. Bye", I'll reply: "bye", not expecting anything else.