Burnout and my adorable living dead.
Sunday, 04/27/03 - 10:15 pm.

Well, Carmen came over. Driving her own car. And there isn't anything special to tell about the afternoon. She was here, we watched Caveman, and talked. Well, she talked.

I realized why I don't dare to talk to her about my issues. She's not receptive. At all. You don't even want to try to talk to her, because you can tell she's not a good listener. She told me about her boyfriend, and college stuff....she'd ask questions to me like "how about you?", but we can't really get serious. She doesn't inspire me to talk to her.

Sometimes I feel sorry, because I think I'm boring her. But you see...you are someone depending on who you are with. I'm a different person when I'm with her than when I'm with Cel. Carmen doesn't really inspire me to talk, because she doesn't listen, and doesn't say anything back to you. Or changes subject, or turns the subject to her.

Anyway....the rest of the day was ok. I studied in the morning and had a family meal (dinner), we had burgers. I can't tell you how I enjoy spending time with my nephew. Did I mention that the other two (Renan and Rebeca) are coming in june? I can't wait!

But I feel so alone right now.

I discovered what I am becoming. It's not depression (we all knew that, didn't we?). It was on the newspaper today, it's called burnout. It approaches depression, and in fact, that's one of the sympthoms. I'm not entirely burnout, though.

Maybe this is why Simeon has changed, too. He kind of disappeared when I started getting this way (back in 8th-9th grade). When I made myself the outcast because others made me feel unwanted and worthless. This has affected him, too, as he can't "take off" in the comic strips like he used to, it's not the same feeling. And I can't make him take off either. Not only that, but he's also developed a new personality: Jesus, the living dead.

The only thing that's changed is that Jesus is not as magical as Simeon. Jesus has a little smile on his face, and his eyes are two big Xs. Jesus is more of a suicidal guy next door who's always falling off trees, and lives in Strawberry Fields.

I just remembered when I'd talk about my shits at school. On your shoulder. You taught me so many things and I believe that you are the perfect person to hear my pain in this moment.
- Vic.

I'm meeting him tomorrow. Poor little boy, he's shattered.

I made a drawing for him ("hand-drawn", but this Paint drawing will give you an idea). It's Simeon, playing Jesus, holding in his hand a broken, bruised, shattered, bleeding heart. And next to him, that line...inspired by myself, and the damage caused by D.

At least I didn't break a leg.

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