He said, she said.
Sunday, 05/25/03 - 11:28 pm.

From: D.
(in reply to my reply to his reply to my e-mail)
It was the tongue (pierced).
Well, apparently we've been thinking about similar things (suicide) these last couple of days, since I too thought of doing it, but I wasn't going to tell anybody.
I'm sorry you have the problems you have and I feel that instead of helping you out I made your existence worse, I'm really sorry. I could tell you that I'm here, and I really am, but I don't know what I want, so I'll have problems knowing what everyone else wants, a little help wouldn't be so bad...so I hope not to be a burden and I'll try to be less worse (cute phrase) from now on.

From: me.
YOUR TONGUE?! What do you do with a pierced tongue? Err, ok, enjoy yourself. Piercing is good. I hope it won't go rusty.
Of course you don't tell anyone about you killing yourself, it's supposed to be a surprise. But if you have in mind the world we live in, it isn't so easy. "Argh, your family and friends will never get over it!" - "you can beat it!".
I know you're half fucked-up, too, and, well, if you want to release or unrelease, you've got my e-mail. I can send you a virus, too.
Sleep well. Regards to your piercing.

---

I haven't reacted to his message. How do you react to that, anyway? I feel strangely stoic, and I don't like that.

I'm not entirely stoic, given my hypothalamus hurts a lot (the hypothalamus, and not the heart, is the center of all emotions)...but I couldn't tell why for sure.

All I know is I'm in tears. All I know is that I won't get another e-mail from him after this one, that I'll never get to help him, that the harm is done and we're through for good. All I know is that a pierced tongue doesn't belong to someone like him, that he's got his share of problems and that I would love to dissapear without a trace. All I know is that he sounds like a different person, that his apologies don't matter to me anymore and that we both will rot apart.

I know a lot, don't I? But that isn't enough.

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