Wednesday, 05/28/03 - 11:59 am.
Yes, I saw D yesterday, big deal. At first I felt really, really bad, as I discovered I still want to be with him, but knowing he doesn't feel the same about me made me try harder to go on.
I felt like crying the entire day, and I did during the entire psychology class (from 6:30 to 8:00 pm). It wasn't exactly "crying", as I wasn't shedding tears. But that's because Angie was next to me. The feelings were there. It's funny, the heartache, the way something makes your heart tickle and drives you to tears...or maybe not.
I have the horrible feeling everybody in my life has disappeared. I'm back to the suicidal thoughts, the need for "therapy" or any goddamn thing that could make me talk about the way I feel. I'm tearful all of the time, something bothers me, and I don't know what it is, but I wish....I could take it out and leave. Far, far away.
I can't run to anybody, no one would believe that I feel this bad (specially because I have no logical reason). Being "depressed" is so generalized that if I say it, they'd say "oh, yeah, I've been like that these past couple of days, college sucks". I'm wondering if I'm part of the generalization..."oh, yes, I feel depressed, because everything sucks". The funny part is that NOTHING really sucks in my life.