Wednesday, 06/25/03 - 12:25 pm.
I wasted my time yesterday afternoon. My mates and I agreed to meet up at 2:30. I was there since 1:30 (because dad couldn't drop me off later). Nobody showed up. Only the dork (me), of course. It rained the whole damn afternoon, and since the UCA lacks of roofs in several places, I walked around for most of the time, because all of the tables were wet. I could've stayed in the cafeteria, but it's packed on rainy days. It's hard to get a table, and it's hard to breathe (smokers, you know).
Speaking of the cafeteria, I may meet up there with Blackie tomorrow *smiles*.
So anyway...I killed time, waiting until 3 o'clock to go pick up 1 to his classroom (awwww, you waited for me...!!!). And then I walked him to the computer labs because he had to finish a project. So I left him there, and I walked around some more. It stopped raining, so I bought my $1.03 deal, a slice of pizza and chocolate milk. It was 3:45 then.
And suddenly 1 approached. "We gave up", he said. "We gave up on the project, there's nothing else we can do. We were only complaining, and I had to leave before we started blaming each other". He was really upset.
I got my Psychology midterm back yesterday. I got 4.20, and I couldn't believe I got such a low grade...that was impossible.
So I start to flip through it...the exam consisted in 4 parts, and the lady had only checked the score of the two firsts. I had 8.7, not 4.2!!!
LORD! Don't they realize that a HUGE mistake like that one could drive a student like me to suicide?!
She (the professor) fixed it, of course. But I was upset. I mean, I like getting good grades, and I haven't gotten nothing less than 8 in my entire college life (err, since march)...ok, so I'm a lame nerd. Still, do you have any idea of HOW EMBARRASSING getting that grade was? Even if it was a mistake! The first impression is horrible, because you think it's true.
1 said I should start getting used to those mistakes, though.
I happened to run into Denver in the afternoon (around 2 pm, I think). We talked for a little while, about nothing important. I was tranquil, knowing I have no more feelings for him. In a way, he's still beautiful to me....but I looked him in the eye for a second and I thought that probably I made a big deal out of what happened between us. I don't even consider him a friend, just a "casual acquantaince".
But I thought about it again this morning, and no, it DID affect me a lot, in spite of me. And I cried again. Because although now he's almost worthless to me, it still hurts what he did, the way he made me feel. I look at my keloid, and to some of my scars (the ones I created because of him) and it reminds me the pain was real. He did hurt me, more than he'll ever imagine.
But I've got 1 now. It's two weeks today. And I have cut only one time in those two weeks. And I've cried less, and I've thought less of suicide.