Saturday, 06/28/03 - 7:27 pm.
1 took me to the architechture studio yesteday. I arrived to the UCA early, this time just to exclusively be with him. I did have an assignment to finish, so that's why he took me there, to work on those tables.
I'd never been in there. It's somewhat a small building (it looks bigger from the outside), it has two stories, it's like an unfinished house, there are tables, stools and long pieces of wood. He always tells me how he'd go upstairs with a friend, to study, smoke and "occasionally" take a nap.
While I was working, he was telling me about the essay he's working on. Telling me about Newton, and the theories about the univers and the planets...it was great to be there, just the two of us (yes, of course we'd take breaks...). I could've learned a lot from what he said, but I didn't understand very well.
Somehow, we got to the subject of cutting. I told him about how I've felt better since he came along, that I haven't cut since I'm with him (with one exception, that I didn't mention).
Then he asked me "you said I'm the only guy that's treated you well, how come?" I'd mentioned that to him a couple of days ago. So I talked a little about the boys before him (Rene, The Guy and Denver). I talked mostly about Denver, about what he did, about the ways he made me feel...I almost go into the subject of depression when suddenly I notice 1 is silently crying.
It's funny, because I didn't go so deep on that subject, I didn't even cry myself (and that's saying a lot, because I still cry when I think about those times). But he was.
I asked him what was wrong, if what I'd said had brought him bad memories...he said: "no, I'm just such a whimp...everytime someone I love tells me something is wrong with them I get like this..." and he told me how he broke down a couple of days ago, when one of his friends was telling him that he felt worthless and depressed.
I think he was a bit embarrased. I was nothing but surprised, and of course very moved. I didn't know he was so empathetic and sensitive. I decided to stop talking about Denver and self-mutilation, so he wouldn't cry anymore, and I wouldn't even start. He said I could go on if I wanted, but I decided to leave that for any other day.
He's just lovely. I love him more and more everyday.
It breaks my heart to think we'll be apart for a month and a half. This semester ends this monday. Then it's just finals, on random days, at random hours (I do know I'll see him on the 9th of july and the 7th of august). Then it's college break and he goes back to his hometown.
I feel stupid for missing a concert yesterday. It was only $2, in the auditorium. Jazz and Blues...from New York!!! Like Broadway. I heard some songs from the back of the auditorium with Angie and Victor. I shouldn't have missed it, but I'm a dork and I thought I needed the AP class, material for finals. The professor was just babbling.
I'm certain I had something else to talk about. And I hate mosquitoes, as well.
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