Sunday, 07/13/03 - 10:58 pm.
I had a dream and Denver was on it. It was something I thought I'd never dream about him.
I woke up with a smile on my face. The dream brought me memories of the good times I had with him, and I tried to stay away from the rotten ones. It's kind of impossible for me to separate one from the other, but the dream was so neat that I managed to do so.
I still do miss him. I think I'm still in love with him. I mean, with the high school version of him, not the current....you could say I'm in love with someone who doesn't really exist. I don't like him (as more than a casual acquantaince) now, for a few reasons....one being he's become tragically shallow (he was shallow in high school, but still had his shiny moments). Or maybe it's just because of the heartbreak and self-destructive tendences he knitted in me. And the growing distance he created between us.
I'll probably end up marrying 1, because I DO love him...but it's that other boy I really fell in love with. I'll never feel that again. I insist on thinking he's THE one, though I am 100% sure I don't want him anymore. It's a strange feeling, feeling something's right for you, but you don't want it because it's not right for you and you know it.
I don't think anyone would be pleased to hear what I just stated.