Thursday, 09/18/03 - 11:58 am.
I'm not feeling very good today. The flu doesn't go away either. It's keeping me from working out and I hate to think I'll lose the little accomplishments I got over three weeks of a 20 minute routine.
Yesterday I was very emotional. But always to my insides. I only refered to it as being "irritable" (poor 1, dealing with the consequences of having me as his girlfriend) but it was much more than that. And I couldn't help crying over Denver. Well, that's part of the problem. Or perhaps that's the problem. Thinking "what if...?" and thinking about what happened, over and over again, is not very healthy. You could think I'd be healed by now, now that it's been a year (september was when he...broke it all -me- off, to name it somehow). But I still think about everything, trying to figure it out what and why happened (although I know it's not of any use).
These "moments" I had yesterday took me by surprise. I don't believe my own feelings. I'm pretty sure it's more brokenheartedness than being in love still, but it's always annoying and gets me all tearful and sad.
Two soldiers just rang the bell. I kept quiet. They're here only to fumigate (some national campaign againts mosquitoes), but I'm home alone and the uniforms always freak me out and bring me bad memories. They eventually left, thinking no one was home. I kind of felt sorry for them but I really, really didn't want to get the door.
My schedule for midterms sucks. I have one next tuesday. Then it's another one on friday and monday (the professor split it) and in between there's one on saturday, and after that, the last one, next-next tuesday.
And the point is I don't feel like studying. At all.
As a matter of fact, I don't feel like doing nothing but crawling in bed and fall asleep long enough to...I don't even have a clue.
- Me: my dear estemeed friend, I hadn't heard from you in so long! what'you been up to?
-Angelica: I'm in Argentina!.
Shocking. I wish I could travel like that.
Someone: "Hi,I haven't heard from you all this week, how are you?"
Me: "oh, I'm good, I'm in Liverpool right now".
But that's a tangent.
I need a remedy for this....but I suppose I could use a diagnosis first.
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