Saturday, 09/27/03 - 2:34 pm.
New News From The Road from Tom!!! It was about time.
Well, hi. I had a midterm this morning, and I didn't realize I didn't complain about it at all, until I was getting the sheets of paper.
I can't tell why. Perhaps I've been too busy studying for midterms. I'm scared my CUM (I know, it sounds bad, but it's spelled like that only in spanish...it's the average of all the grades of all the subjects you're taking in a semester) will drop at least one point. My CUM last semester was 9.60. But now I'm getting 8s and 7s and 9.40s, it's terrible. I need to have a good CUM (again, I know it sounds bad) so I can apply for a scholarship in the future.
It's stupid, I'm liking psychology more and more every time, but my grades are dropping. And it's not that I don't study, I just don't study my ass off.
And why? Because I just can't concentrate. It's not the enviroment, it's peaceful and everything. It's in my head. I'm doing my best, really into the reading, and all of a sudden I'm thinking of tangents, like WrongGuy resembling Luke Skywalker, or who I'll send christmas cards to, or why in the world it feels like I have a knot in the center of my heart, or I'd like to draw four magicians, or I should've killed myself in the girls' room in high school...you name it, I think of anything but what I should be thinking of.
Either that or "narcolepsy", as Simeon calls it. It's not such thing, but you know, just to place a label. I think of studying, or I start to study, and then I get all sleepy (sometimes it's by then when I go on tangents). It's been said that you have a better memory if you sleep after you've studied the material...I can't tell for sure.
I studied for today's midterm, but not *that* much, compared to the amount of material. But that was because I was busy with yesterday's midterm. And I couldn't study properly before, because I was busy with the other midterm and my laboratory report, and before that...well, the list goes on. You see, there's two categories: the urgent and the important. By definition, urgent goes first.
I don't know how I did on this one midterm. I failed a few for sure. I left one blank. With a mind like mine, that seems to be going downhill with time, it's kind of hard to memorize the dates of birth and contributions (books, experiments, theories, discoveries) to psychology of 34 people through 23 centuries (counting a few people before Christ).
I still get good grades. I only have one 7. The rest is 8s, 9s and...ironically, 10 in math (when I'd fail it all the time in school). But my CUM, my fuckin' CUM will drop. It'll be 8. 10 is the highest note, so 8 it's not that bad, of course...but I'm freaking out.
I just cannot afford to lose control over the one thing I've always been in control of: my own grades. Seriously, if I've ever had some kind of emotional burden, nobody ever notices, because I always cover it up with good grades. Not to mention my pride, "oh, you're an average student"...I don't want to be an average. I hate to be an average, I need to be above-average!!!!
I can't help freaking out and feeling like a failure.
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