Sleepy sickness.
Friday, 11/23/01 - 10:26 p.m..

I don't know how many times I've said it'd be my last. This is definitely my last entry from this computer, from this country, for a while.

Nice day, I guess. Carmen came over, she's worried about math. She left and May came. It worked out just perfect. I didn't have to deal with two people (so different from each other) at the same time.

Everything is packed, everything is packed and everything is packed. And I feel so ambivalent. I want to go but I want to stay. I'll miss my people around here. I know I'll cry tomorrow, I can't help it. I'll miss my bed, my family, Frog, my house, the enviroment I'm so used to. But I'll be in a cool place, helping my brother and his family out, playing with those wonderful children....you can't be at two places at the same time, unfortunately.

Carlos gave me so much money. A lot. He and Maria took me out tonight, we went to eat something, to the "most exclusive" zone in the city....The Pink Zone. It's a cool hell, so to speak, with lots of discotheques, tons of teenagers, boys and girls, smoking, drinking, making out...I'm sorry to say this but I wish I'd have been carrying a gun. It's just so fuckin' pathetic. Outside those glamorous places, there were "poor" people, begging for a dime and such. It's decrepit. This society is decrepit.

I'll go take a bath so I won't have to do so in the morning...well, at 4:30 am. Veronica called while I was out and I came home too late to call her back. I feel bad about it. I said goodbye to Carmen, May, Veronica, the guy....he almost sounded like he didn't care a lot but...whatever. I wrote Norman, who's in a camp this whole week and is coming back tomorrow. I just couldn't reach this girl, Maryam. I hope she doesn't call me. I tried for two days in a row and she wasn't home or someone said "wrong number". I called my cousins....I think it's all done.

Except for one fact: I don't want to leave.

When I arrive I'll probably be less homesick but you just can't help it. I get homesick easily. I know tomorrow I'll be missing my bed and Frog lying on it. I'll miss my family....fuck, I feel homesick already. But that's part of life. You have the leave the place you were born to look for...whatever you're looking for.

I'd better go. It's almost 11 pm and I have to get up very early. Tomorrow is going to be a tough, tough day.

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