Thursday, 10/16/03 - 11:34 am.
I like the day today is. Meteorology wise.
I dreamed Frog ran away and I cried the entire dream (that supposedly was two days). I think I woke up crying.
I have lots and lots of things to do for these three upcoming weeks, I suppose it's the price of a good education.
I can't, can't, can't shake 1 off. I push him aside more and more and he only gets more and more understanding with me, and I want to kill myself for being so heartless.
Denver came up to say hi yesterday. I was with 1, and Victor was around (they both started to talk). I was too busy being tortured by my ideas of breaking up to even pay attention to whatever Denver was babbling. 1 said hey, I'm right here as my mind drifted into space, so then he said I'm gonna go, ok, call me when you're not like this ("this" meaning self-absorbed, because I just wanted to be a statue and not move and not be noticed).
When he left, I could tell he was hurt. So I bit my finger and felt like crying. Goodbye, *myname*, Denver said right then. I'd forgotten he was even there. Yeah, ok, bye.
One of these days, the bubble is going to burst and it won't be pretty for him. It won't be pretty for me either, but at least breaking up means freedom, which is why I'm encouraged to handle these sour moments. Also, I'm overwhelmed by the amount of college work, and the upcoming midterms, I think that's gonna be a catalyst. And also, my period can arrive at any moment now. It's starting to hurt (and in the middle of a day in -almost- the middle of the week, I HATE that).
I'm tired of working and very upset for the high cost of accomplishing what I want and for not even accomplishing it.
But like I said, I like the day today is. Meteorology wise.
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