Dreams and other crap.
Monday, 11/26/01 - 10:51 a.m..

I'm eating a piece of a pumpkin pie or something. The best thing about Houston is my brother's kitchen. There's always a lot of stuff to stuff oneself.

I'm listenin' to the Aerosmith bootleg The Flight Of The Owl, the concert played on my birthday in 1990, when I was just 4-5 years old. I went to Wal-mart yesterday, with my brother and the kids and they don't have the Aerosmith Anthology yet...what the fuck, do they think I traveled this far just to go to their music aisle and find nothing but Toys In The Attic, Pump and a worthless tribute album? Though I may get Pump. I only have it on tape and it's already screwed.

No cable. But at least they have hot water, I get to choose between Renan's and Rebeca's bed (I'm changing bedroom every night), there's internet access, Nintendo 64...I mean, this place is great. Even if they were an Amish family, it'd be great. I walked the kids to the bus stop and some people looked at me like who's this?. Then I walked back home. Just a block away from the bus stop. It's different. It's totally different. The houses are like...opened, with no walls or metal grilles that'd make them look like a fortress or something.

In a few words....I'm home. I'm doing some housework, like doing the dishes and....doing the dishes. I'll do many other things though, it's just that today it's my first weekday, I'm getting used to our new schedule. I'm picking up the kids at 3:20 and taking care of them the whole afternoon, cooking spaguetti...I'm doing all the things I don't do at home. It's great. Everybody is so happy with me and I'm so fuckin' happy with them. I just wish this place was called Jane, so it'd be Jane lane, like in Daria. Fuck it, one can dream.

On our way home from the airport, my brother and I were talking and suddenly we see this exit that leads to Dallas, and I mentioned that Aerosmith is playing there...and Renan says: Denise and her mom will go when she arrives. And I say: Uh, yeah, but I'm not going to see them, anyway, while I think: pleasedontmakemegowiththempleasedontmakemegowiththem.

I got over it, I'm not seeing them live this time. It's too expensive and there's no time. Denise's mom is coming over, along with an aunt and her daughter until the end of december anyway. Aerosmith plays there on the 5th. I don't know that aunt and her offspring and frankly I don't want to know them. Denise's mom is so....useless with the housewrok, and her family in general seems to believe they're better than everybody else. I think I'm gonna be like Cinderella, doing everything for me AND for those people. They won't disrespect me or anything but still...I'll be waiting for my prince to come and rescue me. Yeah, I'm just daydreaming. I know there's no Monarchy in Texas.

Talk about princes and dreams...I had a dream and the guy was there. This dream made me realize something...well, I think I had already realized that. It went like this: he and Veronica were walking me home, it was about 10 pm, and we were on our way back from school, I guess. So she stopped in front of my house, but on the other side of the street. Then the guy tried to kiss me but something stopped him. She said goodbye and the guy and I crossed the street and I stood up in front of the door of the garage. He came right up to me, he was about to kiss me but then he stepped back, laughed (an "I fooled you" laughter) at me and gave me a letter.

Other things happened but I can't remember. I just didn't find out what the letter said. It pissed me off when I woke up. It's one of those dreams that you believe it's true the first three seconds you're awake. I woke up with a headache. I still have a little headache and one rib is hurting.

Anyway, I remembered that dreams are your repressed, deepest wishes and hopes...Then here's where I realized (it has nothing to do with the last idea though) that maybe, just maybe, his laugh is what he's always doing to me...playing. Sex is his toy. He hooked me up and then just left me hanging. I knew that since he started but for some strange reason I did nothing to stop him. Getting hurt is mostly my fault. Though I'm not that hurt. Now that I look back, I see that I took it as a hobbie. And so he did. Now...then I was just his "doll", something you can throw away when it's useless. He's not a doll for me. I wanted him to be -at least- my friend.

I told him to write me today and let me know if he was accepted in school to repeat 10th grade. I don't know why I'm so affected about this dream. It's just a dream...it could mean many things, or anything. Why would one walk from school at 10 pm? The thing is...the past. I wanted him to love me and kiss me (for love, not for lust). Not that I still want that, this little voice that tells me you can't makes me realize that I won't. But it's the past. As long as you don't have amnesia, the past is part of yout present...I guess.

Getting back to the dream....I remember he told me some things about people my sign: you guys like to be kissed in the neck and other things I can't remember. But I remember reading that "fact" (emphasize quotation) long time ago in the horoscope section of a magazine. It's kind of like for me and other people (including Tom Hamilton!!!-*standing ovation for Tom by Simeon*-) the neck is the part of the body that gives you the most pleasure. So, ok...the guy not only flirted with me but described me, astrologically speaking.

I still have plenty of time to do many things, since it's only 10 am. It's time to play Mario Karts!!! Again.

cook's in the kitchen and hidding the spoons
I'm winking at witches and howling at moons
I'm afraid of the candle but I live for the flame
You know who I am but you don't know my name
.

Walk On Water rocks. It's such a great song. I wish I'd played it to the guy, just to annoy him. There's a part where it sounds as if Steven is having an orgasm...oh, man. I'll be just four hours (travelling by car) away from him and his band in a few days.

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