Seriouly, though, is there something I'm hiding from myself?
Thursday, 11/20/03 - 1:47 pm.

Err, it's Pablo's birthday today. I hope Irene won't forget to give him my present, Prozac Nation.

I started driving today. Again. It is really depressing, it gets me depressed, I have no other word to describe it. I hate driving, specially in the awful, God-forsaken downtown. I suck at driving, I'm stupid.

I've been depressed since yesterday (if you have a better term for the way I feel, please tell me, because I know it can't be "depression"). I don't have a reason, but I can't help feeling bad. I started to cry in the middle of the last period. No one noticed, but I'm glad about that, I hate people feeling sorry for me, coming up to ask me what's wrong. It was strange that just yesterday my friends dissapeared, though. I mean, they went off with some other people. But it was nothing personal, seriously.

May called me last night. May is an old friend, from 3rd grade or so. She used to be my best friend, and although sometimes we stop talking for ages, we're always wonderful friends. I love her a lot and we get along very well (never even had a reason to argue), even though she's completely different from me. Every time we talk she has a different boyfriend (no, she's not a slut). I don't know how she never got to hate me, because her mom is cruel to her but very kind to me, always telling her she should learn from me, comparing us and other crap. It's embarrasing.

We talked for about an hour, but the last 20 minutes were very serious. She's changed career twice now, and she ended up confessing to me that what she really wanted to be was a journalist, and study at the UCA. She's majoring in something else, because of her parents, mostly.

I will not even start typing all of the things I said to her about changing career. But at least I convinced her to fight for what she wants, and she ended up saying: you're only in your second semester and you already know how to persuade people. Psychology is not for persuading people, actually. But it's a good weapon to make people think (depending on what area of the psychology you choose, of course). I'm glad I convinced her, because choosing a career you don't really want is one of the worst things you can do to screw up your life. Even if you're suicidal and like to screw yourself up, DO NOT choose the career you don't really want.

Well...I only feel like crying today, but this feels beyond my usual melancholy-sadness. I suppose it'll pass, unnoticed for the others, like it always does.

(as a tip, the news on TV don't make me feel any better)

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