I wish I stopped wishing so much.
Wednesday, 12/ 03/03 - 12:23 pm.

Things are just getting worse. I seem to particulary hit rock bottom at night, when all of my dad's pain, my mom's endurance and my own frustrations take their toll. I can't stand it.

I couldn't break up with 1 last night, AGAIN. I was thinking of many ways to do it, but...the act itself is lame, it'd be lamer if I did it by, say, text messaging. But you know what? I'm desperate and I'm still considering that possibility. I hurt him, I accept it, but then he gets mad at me for things that are out of my control. I just don't want to be with him, there's nothing to talk about...and so what do you do? You make out...but making out is disgusting to me and I hate the way he does it. So then he gets upset and I'm uncomfortable.

How do you say this...? "He's not my type?". I think that's it. He's wonderful, and I believe I will never find someone who cares for me as much as he does...but we were never friends to begin with, there's no foundation at all, no chemistry.

I wish I knew if my nephew is coming to Houston with me. I started making plans on august, and my sister has started about two days ago. She's taking all the wrong tangents, and now the tickets are too expensive. She asks him if he wants to go, when that's not the problem. The problem is the boy's father, who may not agree on him leaving. Yes, sister is a single mom, and the child's father gets (way) behind on child support; but it's still the child's father, so he may or may not let him go abroad.

These past weeks have me so unhappy. I mean, I've had my periods of unhappiness this year, just like I've had my periods of happiness. But this is something else. This seems to be long-term, like my dad's disease.

I wish I was out of finals already, that'd be a huge weight off my back.

I suppose I wish too much.

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