Past happens to everybody.
Saturday, 12/01/01 - 10:19 p.m..

Geez, December already? A few minutes ago it was january 13th and the whole damn ground was shaking....ok, no. I have felt this year a bit long. I can't really say that I remember things as if they happened yesterday. Not that I want this year to finish, but that's time, it never stops. You can't grab it nor freeze it.

Talk about time...I'm a little concerned about my past. It's stupid that I can't remember some things. I practically don't remember anything from my childhood, which kind of sucks. Is not amnesia or anything, but I find that weird. I even barely remember last year, except for a few scenes, like my friend Mikey (who now lives in LA) and everybody gathering in Julio's office, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers in there. That's all. That's a big problem, because from every year at school I only have one or two memories, and sometimes I'm not even sure if that happened that year. I've heard something about people not remembering their past because something awful happened to them and they're scared to "know" that, so it's kind of a way to protect themselves from traumas and such. But I probably just don't have a good historic memory.

The only trauma I may have would be because of a little scar I have in my pinky finger, but I know how that happened and it's not like it wouldn't happen to anyone...I was running holding something -made out of metal with a sharpened edge, according to my family- in my hand (I don't even remember how old I was, but I was still really young, otherwise, I wouldn't have done such stupid thing), I fell and my finger...opened. Hooray. My family still had that thing that hurt me, they just threw it away a few years ago.

We watched The Sound Of Music last night. I love many songs from that movie and no matter how many times I've seen it, I always wind up seeing it again. It always hook me up. This morning my brother played the soundtrack in the PC...it sucks to know that the you are 16, going on 17 line already applies to me. I know I've watched that part hundreds of time thinking: that's never going to happen to me. And here I am, 16, going on 17. It's like Bambi, Flower and Thumper when they grew up and swore they'd never fall in love. That's never going to happen to me.

"...And you completely lose your head!!!".

Well, many of us don't need to fall in love to lose the head. We are born headless.

Hey, how nice. I still know by heart that part of the movie.

Today we went to see Rebeca's basketball game, her team won. She went with her friends out to lunch after the game, while my brother, Denise, Renan and I went to eat somewhere else. Then my brother and I spent the whole afternoon cleaning up the garage, with Aerosmith and Pink Floyd music. Music to smoke weed to, according to him. Though I keep telling him that they don't do drugs anymore, they haven't in more than a decade but he just won't listen.

Everything went ok until Rebeca came home and found out that Renan had already started the christmas tree decoration...they fought, they yelled at each other, my brother sent them to their bedrooms. Renan calmed down in less than 10 minutes. Rebeca's been mad the whole evening. I guess we were a bit unfair with her, but she also was wrong. They way I see it, we all were half wrong (therefore half right, duh). But seriously, she's quite a spoiled child...sorry to say this, but sometimes she can be a bitch.

The past always comes back to you. It has this karma behavior or something. There's this fabric softener that smells nice, but it reminds me of 8th grade, when Veronica and Carmen were being so fucked up. Being specific, it reminds me of the nights I spent watching Mtv's daily top 10, writing down in my diary how miserable I was. Yet I kinda miss those days, for some strange reason. Although they were fuckin' up my life, I learned a lot of things and found some other people who always I could count on...well, not always, but still...there's something I miss from that time. I can't put my finger on it...I think it's just nostalgia. I get that everytime I listen to one of the songs I listened during that time, while they were on the daily countdown.

Sometimes I wish I could borrow somebody else's life for a day. I had that "desire" today, while I was in the car and saw a swing in front of a house. I imagined a girl swinging and I got this strange thought...I wish I could be that girl in that short moment, when she's going back and forth...then leave her body and look for somebody else's, and feel whatever he is feeling...not as if I didn't have my own life...in fact, my life would be the quest for and would have the goal of living everybody else's lives, like a spirit, a ghost, going through walls and stuff, always looking for new experiences, through other people. Yeah, I know that sounds fuckin' crazy. But I'm drug-free, I swear.

Sorry to mention this, but I dreamed of a boy last night...yet again. This time I didn't know who he was though, I just remember he had blond hair. It was just like last night's episode of Maybe It's Me, which by the way is a great show, I like it a lot, I relate myself to a lot of things the girl says. Although I don't see my family as The Munsters.

Er, anyway, it was the same idea: invite over the guy and have a horrid time. The weird thing is that today I was using the dryer to dry my face and neck (it rocks!) and felt this smell that reminded me of him. There's something wrong with me....maybe it's me. Sometimes I have nostalgia of things that have never happened.

So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, good night.

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