Bates Motel High School
Sunday, 09/09/01 - 5:03 p.m..

You know, lettuce tastes better when the weather is cold. That's the lesson for today. Today I ate lettuce, and it was raining. I barely eat any kind of vegetables or fruits. I'm not vegetarian. I'm a vegetable myself, though, according to my brother, because I love to vegetate.

Last night I had a cool dream (what's a diary without the owner telling a dream?)...it was rather stupid. So, it was not entirely cool. The guy had turned into a dog. It was midnight and I was at school, which suddenly became some sort of like the Bates Motel, with lightnings and shit. And the lights went off. He happened to be under some kind of spelling and he'd be turned back into a human at night. So there I was, in a closet, looking for a poodle...I mean, I had to get out of the closet and look for the poodle. I found him in a hall and dragged him to the closet. So I kept him with me, waiting for him to be a human again and have *cough*sex*cough* with him. But it never fuckin' happened! Some other things happened at that "Bates Motel High School" but that was the bottom line. Thinking about it, I think it's my repressed desire of having him...though in real life I'd never have sex with him unless he really loved me (which is just fuckin' impossible) but what can I say...I still must love him.

Speaking of lovers...I found out that my almost-ex left the country because he won a scholarship or something. I don't know how should I call him...we never were a real couple. We loved each other. He asked me out. I said no. But because he didn't ask me in person. He wrote me a letter....I was reading it and it said "would you like to be my girl?"...I said yes...duh, to a letter? I wrote him back saying that we should get to know each other better, as an excuse and a polite "no, dammit". The hidden message was "when you're ready, ask it again in my face, you coward!!!". But we got stuck writing letters and he stopped talking to me because he "was too shy". "Fuck it", I thought, "be a man". I got tired and stopped writing him. And we never talked again. I know I broke his heart, though. You could see the guy was in love. This year he got a new girl. Whatever, it's kind of a shame. We could have been good friends. Now, if I run into him in 10-20-30 years or someone else asks me (I doubt it, it's old gossip) I'd put most part of the blame on him. But I know I'm the one to blame for not being sincere and breaking his heart. I realized this year that maybe I didn't love him...or I was just lovin' him 'cause he was loving me back. I get a crush on someone every two weeks or so...when I realize it's impossible (three days later) I let go. Maybe the crush was longer because he had the same feeling towards me...*sigh*, whatever. I don't know what that was. I'm wondering if I'm the kind of person who can't stand a marriage for more than a week.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow...not. What attitude should I pick out for tomorrow? And I also have to pick out a personality that matches with it...nothing big is happening tomorrow at school. Yay me, I'll get bored in the middle of society, among the collectivity of lame individuals...not quite though. Some of them are worth a look.

Sunday...not much happens on sunday. My parental units went to church and asked me to go. I don't listen to what the priest says, so I'll save us both the priest and me the time. Salvation is not my biggest goal right now. Not that I want to go to hell (if it does exist), I don't want to give the ones who have sent me there the joy of seeing me there.

Well, people is already getting home and they'll sure start passing behind my back, and they'll wake up my-paranoid-self. I'm going away.

I'm thinking about getting the Gorillaz CD...I don't know. I'm more attracted to their looks than to their music...I mean, it's all cool but they basically don't exist. I want to get a look like 2D's though...I'm taking my eyes out this week...maybe not. He was a vegetable for some time, so we do have something in common. Only that I'm still and always be a vegetable. I was not here

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