The exorcist has done his job.
Monday, 12/03/01 - 11:04 p.m..

My life is happy again. I'm home again. I must really be a schizophrenic individual, I don't see how I could have possibly written an entry like the last one...I can't believe someone could write such heartless words and actually mean them. I still don't regret it, but it's hard to believe that was me.

Anyway, it all went ok. I picked up the kids, still a bit mad but eventually we all were laughing together, and I was playing Fur Elise for the kids in the keyboard, in Rebeca's bedroom. Renan had this presentation tonight, he sings in a choir, and we went to see him. It was really great (although all of the choirs sounded the same to me). Rebeca and I left in the middle of it, at 8:30, because she was falling asleep.

Our house is just one block and a half away from the church, so we walked. Unfortunately, Renan hadn't finished his homework, so as soon as he got home, he started working on fractions and decimals. I put on the Aerosmith unplugged and big 10 inch is playing right now...it fuckin' rocks........at least it seems to relax him a little. My brother made hot chocolate and prepared hot dogs...I really shouldn't have eaten, since it was almost 10:30 but
a) I didn't want to "disappoint" him (our family, boys specially, eat a lot, it's kind the "reputation" of the family. Good God, thanks for giving us such a good metabolism)
b) he cooks so fuckin' good.

I really have not much to say, except for that on wednesday I'm going with my brother to the Texas Childrens' Hospital (that's where he works) to help him and take a look around. He's doing these weird experiments with animals tomorrow and I really don't want to see that. I told him I'm becoming a Greenpeace activist and that he and I may have problems in the future. But he says he already has problems, there's indeed these people who go there and protest for using animals. Well, I can't take a side...they're using animals in experiments to eventually help people. On the other hand....they're using animals in experiments.

Something else? I'd be rockin' the house with Aerosmith if they had come to this town. That'd have been awesome. But for some strange reason, there's a part of me that keeps telling that it's good that it didn't happen tonight, or it won't happen in two days. Because after I see them, the fantasy of seeing the Aerogods will fade away. I'd have accomplished that and...that'd be it. Then what? (yeah, see them again would be the logical answer but it's enough with the time that's taking me to see them for the first time). It's like how people wind up after the concert....they're still on high, they saw them live, but it's over. The concert is over. Mine hasn't even started. Well, that's a new, positive perspective. Uh, is not that new, I've thought about it before. You would have heard it before if I stopped bitching so much about my damned luck. I'm cool about it. For now, at least. Right now I think somehow I'll get a chance to see them. But even seeing them is not my biggest goal. I want to talk to them, tell them how much they've helped me, how much they mean to me. I want to tell them the things I'd tell to the people I love, the people I'd die for, because I love them that much.

Aw, well.

I feel all reborn. And hey, I didn't need to hit my head and have amnesia. But I did hit my head in the morning with a metal hook while I was cleaning up the garage. I feel happy. I feel at home. I'm with the people I love. Not with every single one, but still....right now I get to be with people who need help, who need to be taken care of. Maybe later I'll get to be with someone who'd take care of me. But I wouldn't change where I am now. Well, Aerosmith would be a great bonus but anyway...you can't have it all.

At the same time.

While I was taking the garbage a few minutes ago, I thought that...why not leave a day to not bitch at all and see my life as what really is, a blessing. A huge gift from God. At least I didn't buy a ticket for an Aerosmith concert that got cancelled.

Now I'll get off this thing because my little boy needs to rest. I'd better do the same. I'll just wait for the Chain Reaction CD to finish. He just asked me to put it on. He looks like a baby when he's sleeping. He still sucks his thumb.

My life is a lava lamp.

(I just happen to love lava lamps...hell, you probably know what I mean.).

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