The grateful motherfucker has a new computer.
Sunday, 03/28/04 - 3:45 pm.

I'm constantly reminding myself how lucky, blessed, whatever you call it, I am. You know, because of the wonderful family I have and all. And this sunday morning, life itself proved my point.

My whole family (parents, brother, sister and son, brother and girlfriend), and yours truly, of course, went out to have breakfast at some restaurant, to celebrate one of my brother's birthday. It was on the 19th, really, but we couldn't get together to celebrate until today.

We invited my uncle, too. We're not into that "extended family" get-togethers, but this uncle is very special, because he's always been very supportive of us, in many ways. And now it was our turn, because he's going through a terrible phase that's got him depressed (I mean, the real depression, the clinical one). He's the president of the most important insurance company of the country, and he's retiring (I think it's because of those "company buys company" situation...I mean, he's not leaving exactly by his own will). That job means the life to him, and now he's losing it.

He's married, to my dad's sister, but she...she's broken the home. She became a religious fanatic many years ago, with her two other sisters. My other aunt even lost her husband to that, he left the house because he couldn't stand the situation. So my uncle (the one we invited to have breakfast with us) has no real home to go to. He's rich. And I mean rich. He lives in a mansion (no exaggeration), a house in the beach, he's lived in London, has properties in Miami, travels around the world very often...he got a Mercedes Benz from the company, as a "goodbye gift" or something. Just to give you an idea. He's very wealthy. It's kind of funny he's related to me, to my family, because we're very middle class and I bet our house is the size of his garage.

And yet he tells my dad: "you are rich". And he's right. We don't have mansions and houses at the beach (we borrow his sometimes *grins*) and we don't travel to Europe, and we don't work for the NASA (my cousin, his son, did)...but we are all together. I am so sorry for my uncle, he's really sad about what's happening. Even though he's got a lot of cash, he's very humble (he even hates cell phones and never turns on his). He never forgets where he came from, the country, a family of many children, and his only belonging was a stick he pretended was a horse. He was just telling us how in his childhood all of his family would sit at the table, and they had only one boiled egg. They did something called "cheating" (as in cheating the stomach, the hunger).

We encouraged him not to take this "retirement" as such. It's just a change of life style, but his life goes on. In fact, he'll be able to get out of the corporate frame. I hope he feels better and finds a new meaning to life. He was already sounding very optimistic, and giving us advice: "whatever you want to do, do it now" (it sounds obvious, but people need to be told that once in a while). We owe him so much, and the last thing I'd want for him is to be unhappy. I don't think my aunt can be saved from her religious fanatism, though, and if they haven't filed for divorce is because it's too much trouble and they're thinking of their children and their grandchildren.

Well, the breakfast ended, my uncle showed us the Mercedes and then he drove off. And then I heard what I'd been hoping to hear for so long: my dad said to my brother "hey, son, we're going to the mall afterwards, right?". Yes, yes, yes, to buy the new computer. And we did (*cough*they did because I have no income*cough*).

Between the second we left the restaurant and the second we arrived at the mall, I thought of many things. I was in the backseat on my brother's car, looking out the window. The day is insanely hot, but the sky is very clear...I thought a lot of all the things and the people I have in my life. I am truly one blessed motherfucker, with a very united family who respect, support and love each other. And if you have that, you can do anything you want. They've kept me from doing bad stuff (I don't cut often nor savagely, because I know I'd hurt them if they found out) and they're always been there for me, even if they don't know what's really going on with me.

I am very grateful for all I have in my life. Seriously. I know I don't deserve it, but this isn't a matter of deserving it, is it? It's a matter of doing something with it.

- Cel: my boy, he also likes Calvin & Hobbes, you know?
- Me: silly girl, it's me you're still talking about.
- Cel: it's kind of scary, that it seems I've looked for you in a man...goes to show the mark you've left in me.
- Me: goes to show how much you suck.

(as you might not recall, her boyfriend likes The Beatles and is fascinated by Freud...just like me)

- Cel: he sends me text messages like yours...he once sent me a funny one that said "shiggity-shiggity shwa".
- Me: shiggity-shiggity shwa? I know that!!! I love that!!! "YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT IDIOT"
- Cel: you know that? what is it?
- Me: look!

Ugh, I am an idiot. I am typing an entry on a computer that freezes, when I have a new one, ready to be set up. Will do, right now.


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