Hold emotions in.
Monday, 04/19/04 - 8:28 pm.

You know, someone pointed out that I have 1,000 entries already. I'm not counting the extra pages, and I tend to forget about them, so I thought I had only 997 entries. I never thought I'd see that number on my profile. I mean, I really never thought about it. Oh, Lord.

I'm not going to say a lot today. I'm just overwhelmed and tearful about all my assignments. I'm very frustrated, and I'm just praying for these two weeks (midterm weeks) to be over. And while I'm at it, I pray for getting good grades. I mean, for the capability of getting good grades, mostly.

My dad seems to believe that being tired means complaining. I'm having enough trouble handling my assignments, I don't need for my feelings to be judged, get off of me, dad. Just because I'm crying in frustration doesn't mean I regret studying psychology, nor that I am complaining about that. I love all things psychology, I am just tired and under a lot of pressure, is that so unnatural?. Crying helps me release part of that pleasure. But, oh, no. God forbid I'm not happy all the time, right dad?

My nephew is watching Brother Bear and I'm turning my head once in a while (the computer and the TV are in the same room...it's a big room, like the center of the house). If I were alone, I'd cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry throughout the whole movie. And cry, too. I want to cry so bad, haven't I told that?

Not only am I emotional right now, but also very touchy when it comes to animals. Yeah, laugh at me, but one day I will beat up an animal abuser (I may beat you up too, while I'm at it, so stop laughing. Really). In fact, after seeing out the window in the car today, I've come to the conclusion that it's advisable for me to start carrying, besides a rock, a knife.

I don't know if it's be a blessing or a curse this effort I make everyday to hold my emotions in.

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