Grateful. Humble. Angry
Saturday, Dec. 09, 2023 - 11:48 am.

Another quick update to report that life is going. The semester at uni is coming to an end, God bless, but that means I have a lot of marking to do, on top of many other things that I won't bother going through here.

I've been fighting with students in my head as I read their answers in their tests because some of them are so unserious. I suppose some of them thought that a test for a course on sexual and gender diversity would ask stuff like "what is a gay" and "please write the word patriarchy (1 point)". I'm doing some soul searching to find out what I might have done wrong and how to improve next year, but I can't do much more if half of the course don't come to class and don't read the materials.

I have this issue fresh and at my fingertips because I was just doing some marking. On a Saturday! I'm always up for not giving in to late capitalism and instead enjoying my leisure time as my ancestors wanted, but once or twice during the semester some concessions are needed.

Speaking of leisure, now that Andrew and I are feeling more at home at our new apartment, we're inviting people over. We've been having a quite active social life lately. Andrew and I are not ones to party hard, but we're happy to host and make cheese boards and drinks. Yesterday evening we had a new friend over. He works at uni in the Psych Clinic, and he wants to set an LGBT+ framework there. He's gay also, so we've bonded over personal and work interests, mostly -but not exclusively- related to queerness. What a gift from heaven queerness is. He gave us a plant too, he's such a lovely guy.

On another note, there's a pub half a block away from our building. A proper pub, something very close to what we'd find in Sheffield (this one is of German tradition, but it works just the same). This week we went for a drink after work, absolutely out of character for us. And we did that past 8 pm, also unheard of for us, but it might be the new normal for us, at least during spring and summer. We just never lived near a pub before here, and when we did, back in Sheffield, finances were kind of tight.

We're very happy with our surroundings, our neighborhood. This week I walked to a notary and to my maxilofacial physician, Andrew walked to get some eye tests. We also walked to the supermarket. Two weeks ago we walked to a store two blocks away to get a glass curtain for the bathroom (now installed). And soon we will walk to the piercing artist who pierces our ears for a follow-up. Pretty much everything we need is within a radius of a 15 minute walk. Except uni, our workplace, that is 25 minutes away by foot. Still good enough. I'm digging our location so much.

It's all going smoothly for us, I'm grateful for it.

ALSO...I'm in despair over what happens "out in the world", like an unstopabble genocide (or more than one) and my country being flaunted as a paradise for cryptocolonizers as the locals sink into violence and poverty. I think a lot about my choices, about the terror and pain and the child-like cries that happened so I could eat a piece of ham, stuff like that. I don't feel great, I tend to feel impotent at best, and like an accomplice at worst. I know my feeling this over every litte thing doesn't help anybody, but it keeps me humble and it keeps me angry. It keeps me trying to make an impact on the square metter within my control.

Also, I miss having a deeper inner life. Daily life is hectic and it can drain you. This week I had glimpses of my inner life, and by that I mean I started to think things beyond daily events, tasks and obligations. I started to have an imagination again. I also wrote an entry in my journal. Though it was mostly venting about work frustrations, but at least it helped me get in touch with myself.

We're having another friend over for lunch! So I'll go set up everything to welcome her. See you soon.

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