Friday, Aug. 05, 2022 - 10:09 pm.
I made it home safely on Wednesday morning. The trip back home felt much longer and tiresome than when I was going, but it could have been even worse. At least I had a Business Class ticket, I was relieved and grateful for it.
The last few days in my home country were just as good as the previous ones. The whole stay was quite enjoyable. Like I said in the previous entry (I think I did?), I'm fully aware that I came to a parallel reality in this country. The country is, at best, gentrified. It's a great place to be if you don't live there.
Nevertheless, I had a great time with my family and the handful of friends I met with. I came back to my adoptive country with a heart full of love and joy and gratefulness. I broke down in tears when the plane started moving to take off and take me away, once again, from the place I was born. It hurts a lot, leaving my family and friends behind. With survivor's guilt on top of it.
I slept so well this week and a half. I hung out a lot with my sister, as I was staying in her house. She's so delightful and I want nothing but the best for her. I can say the same for Brother and Sister-In-Law #3. My parents were all loving and nice to me, as they usually are; my dad behaved, for the most part. I saw my favorite uncle, my favorite aunt. I ate delicious food and went to many cafés and independent stores.
Having Helen around was also great. We hung out everyday. She took me places, I bought her lunch. We *ahem* fooled around a bit, though that was me being weak, me putting my lust before my need to not complicate things. I don't feel as passionately for her as I did when we started out, but I still love her with all my heart. She's nothing but good to me.
The stupid grant application I was working on sort of ruined the good vibe of my trip. The deadline to submit it was August 2nd, the day of my trip back. I didn't allow this application to take up much of my time nor my energy, and I mostly succeeded. But then I had to dedicate my attention to requests from uni about it, and I'd just get so angry and frustrated.
My last afternoon with Helen, and my last afternoon in the country myself, was ruined because of a last-minute meeting I had to take regarding the application. I was sorry and heartbroken about it. I took Helen to lunch, as a thank-you and a farewell, but then the rest of the afternoon we had planned was cut off because of the meeting.
So Helen dropped me off at my parents' house after lunch. She stayed for a bit (and even while I was in the interview). We had planned to say goodbye in a private manner, but that wasn't possible. By the time I got out of that commitment, she had to go. We thus had a half-assed goodbye in front of my mom, acting like two heterosexual men.
She was completely supportive and understanding about this, though. Bless her. We still walked away from one another happy for all the time spent together. But I still feel bad about how that afternoon went down, it sucked.
Parts of my trip were ruined because some people in uni couldn't do their fucking job and have no respect for other people's time. I managed to submit the application on time (I would have submitted it two weeks earlier if it had depended solely on me), but I'll be fine if I don't earn the grant.
Oh, well. I'm here now. I'm happy to be back, too. I was saying, the trip was long, but it was so good coming home to Andrew and the cats. I went from one home to another, 6000 miles apart one from the other. I feel lucky to be able to say that, to have that much love in my life.
Also, since the application is off my hands, I found myself with a very light workload this week. Blessed be.