Friday, Mar. 08, 2024 - 10:59 pm.
I would like to say that I made it through this week, and I did, but that would make me sound like I'm exhausted. I should be. I've been exhausted before over far fewer demands than the ones I've had this week. And yet, here I am, almost elated. I managed to pull through all my events with mostly glowing reviews, and lots of social media bits for other people to ride on my coattails.
On Tueday morning, I had a presentation to finish off my three-year postdoc research project. On Thursday afternoon, I had to put together a stand for the Faculty gender committee that I now run to take part in the faculty freshers' fair (that's not its name, it's just what it is). And this morning, I pulled off one of those "in conversation" events for International Women's Day, that brought together one academic, one student and one secretary from my uni. That was pretty cool.
All events had little glitches, and some of them came from me being new to all this event-planning (don't think for a second I'm unaware that a male peer of mine would never be put in a position to plan these things and this much). Other glitches came from needing some help. I know there's help available but I still don't fully know my way around the maze that is the university, and I was too busy handling other demands that I didn't have the time nor the mental bandwith to find out.
That's not to say I did it all alone. I had a few people that are becoming a trusted circle relieving me of some tasks and pointing me in the right direction to fulfill others. Also, most people in uni are happy to help you if you ask. I'm trying to learn names and titles for future academic navigation.
Overall, I think all events were succesful. My project presentation didn't have a big audience, but this wasn't a good week to do it, as it was the week to welcome new students; I kind of just wanted to get over with this, but I guess I would've liked for more people to know about my findings. On the other hand, the gender committee stand on Thursday afternoon did have a lot of these new students around.
On today's event, the Faculty Dean (who'd come over to the fair the day before) gave an opening speech -of couse-, and said that our gender and diversity stand drew a lot of attention from the new students. He wasn't wrong, but I don't think he realized that was because we were having a raffle for a plush toy of the uni's mascot, which is all the rage among newcomers. It's not pricey but it's also out of reach for the average student's budget; the chance of getting one for free was a sweet deal.
So a lot of people came by the stand asking about how to win the plush toy. To enter the raffle, they had to write down on a post-it their own definition of gender perspective. A lot of people would give up on wanting to participate when they learned that, haha. But we got a good list of participants, and their ideas to explore how this generation understands what gender perspective is. Long story short, they understand squat. Which is disappointing, sobering for those who think that the young ones have it all figured out, and an argument for the work I want the gender committee to do.
There was a bit of chaos at the end of the fair because we got the winner of the plush toy and we contacted her before the MC came over to our stand. The winner had left campus by then, and people shouted that we chose someone else but we'd already informed the winner, so we couldn't do that. They booed and were very unhappy, but I was amazed that I had no fucks to give about that. I felt bad that we could've planned the raffle better to have a winner on site, but I didn't feel that mishap had anything to do with me as a person.
What amazes me the most after this chaotic week is that I'm not exhausted. I'm not emotional, angry, frustrated, unsatisfied; I'm not on the edge of tears. I was very unsatified with the glitches and obstacles that kept popping up this week, but that feeling passed. Although, besides these three big events, I had many other things to do regarding the two PhD courses I'll be teaching this semester, writing papers, writing my postdoc project final report, checking my project finances, attending meetings, supervising students... I actually didn't do much of that because I was busy putting together the events. That I resented.
But you know why I'm not exhausted? Because I kept my cool. I didn't panic, I didn't stress. I didn't get mad at obstacles or people making my day more difficult. I had this philosophy that I was doing something for the first time the best I could, and it didn't have to be perfect. Not gonna stress if people don't show up, if one of the speakers can't make it, if we don't have all materials that we wanted for the stand, if we had a bunch of kids angry because they didn't get the plush toy. It will go well enough. It all did go well.
I'm doing so well that the uni's Research Vice Chancellor office saw fit to feature my fucking face on today's email to all the uni community for International Women's Day, recognizing women in science. But I'm truly out of fucks to give about being featured here and there. It's made clear that the image I have of myself is not quite the image that other people have about me. At least this time, theirs is far more favorable than my own. I think I stutter a lot. They say I don't. They say I speak clearly, to the point, and in one take... which is more than you can say about many of my colleagues in Social Sciences and Humanities. Who the fuck knew, eh?
So I'm very proud of myself! Not for speaking in one take, but for keeping my stress at bay. For keeping my cool and getting through this week with my mental health in a decent state.
Other news: I sent my parents flowers this week. I got them a big-ass sunflower arrangement, just because. Both of them have been having a hard time with various illnesses, and I thought they'd appreciate this gift that said I was thinking of them. They loved it. Even my dad who's not big on these (*ahem*womanly) things said looking at the sunflowers just brought joy. I kept putting this off, but I was aware that it was best to bring them flowers now that they're alive.
Anyway. Now I'm looking forward to a weekend of doing what I truly love: doodling.
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