Thursday, 11/06/03 - 10:34 am.
Today it's my dearest friend Angelica's 17th birthday!!! (she graduated from high school at 16, she was in my class). Happy birthday!!!
I had my moments yesterday. Good moments, bad moments. The night was unbereable, and I made 1 very, very unhappy. I was unhappy myself, hurting from something I cannot define.
Once again, I came home holding back tears, and they rolled down my cheeks as I closed the door. Sometimes I'd like to tell people I've cut myself, but I'm afraid they'd think I'm doing it for attention, or they'd just get too worried. It was horrible, asking myself what's happening to you, why are you like this, bitch? you should be happy!, answering myself I don't know what's really going on, why I feel the way I feel.
It's like I'm losing my mind, but I never lose it completely, and I'm left with enough lucidity to watch myself fall apart and understand it's not ok to bring down people with me.
So I was sad, but suddenly I remembered Hamlet. Ok, although I'm not so much into Shakespeare, Hamlet is one of my favorite stories. But I'm not talking about that Hamlet exactly, although obviously, that's where it came from.
I rewrote Hamlet, with Simeon. I opened the drawer under my bed, and took it this huge box full of notebooks, written since 1996 (I stopped in my middle teenage years, because my sadness took over my inspiration, school sucked up my time, and people lost interest -major ego smash-). I read excerpts of Hamlet (the simeonistic one), and I can't believe someone would write those amazing things. I didn't, it was Simeon. I could never come up with such stuff. Also, I found one notebook I never finished (the starting date says day/month/2001).
It contains the sequence of Simeon going into coma after laughing so hard. It also contains the commercial for Grinch, the animated series (in which The Grinch travles around the world in his super-duper-wind-mini car, saving different festivities) and the trailer for Titanic II (in which the spirit of the Titanic reincarnates in a fishing boat that belongs to a fishing company in a small town). And...other stuff.
Geez, I think Simeon is back, and he brought back my happiness.