Sunday, 03.20.2011 - 9:45 pm.
Two nights ago, Jake and I finished watching something and we talked for a while as we were laying down next to each other, under the same blanket, as usual. I was uncomfortable with my pillow and he offered me to rest my head on his chest. I did.
That changed everything. I could hear his heart beat so fast and all I could say was "fuck, fuck, what am I doing here?". I pretended to fall asleep but I couldn't, and by his heart rate, I don't think he did either. Nobody is asleep with a heart beating like that. He'd caress my arm with his fingers, and he had his arm holding me. We were like that for maybe hours until I got the nerve to get up and go to the bathroom.
When I returned, I told him that, since we were getting comfortable, we should go to my bed. I know it sounds kinky but quite frankly, my broken tail bone was killing me from laying pretty on the floor. But yeah, there was a side benefit.
We climbed on my bed and he spooned me, asking me if it was all right to put his arm around my waist. When I felt his breath on the back of my neck, I started to giggle because I'm extremely sensitive. He came closer to blow on my neck while laughing, as I was, but then he stopped blowing and started kissing. That was the end of our platonic relationship.
He kissed me on the neck until I finally turned around. He has the softest lips I have ever kissed. That silly term, pillowy? It's dead on. Long story short, we fell asleep at 5 am. We didn't have sex, though, mostly thanks to him wanting to avoid any risks, which I appreciated so much.
We got up at 8 am. Aside from two half-assed times with Joseph, I had never spent the night with a guy. Let alone without the worry of getting caught or the rush of having some place to go afterwards. We spent the morning cleaning the apartment and making out. Unrelated: I was cleaning the sink and he came to show me a thread that had randomly ripped from his clothes. I said those clothes were falling apart. He replied, even the Mona Lisa is falling apart. Aaaw, man.
We went downtown in the afternoon, and in the evening he prepared a platter of four types of cheese and salami and popped a bottle of wine, and we spent our time talking and looking at the full moon rise. It was beautiful, very thoughtful of him.
I asked him when he develop such an interest in me. "Since I saw you. Since the very first day I saw you. And when I heard you speak, your accent, I died". Oh, teh lulz. Since the very first day of class? I didn't think he'd paid attention to me at all.
We bought condoms downtown, you know, like good boy and girl scouts. I was a little scared I'd fail like I always do the first time (Joseph, JC, Q) but quite the contrary! I guess I'm getting good at it. But Jake didn't seem comfortable at all and he pulled out quickly. He said he'd try again in a few minutes. I insisted once, asking him if he was all right or just wanted to do something else, and he repeated he'd try again in a few minutes.
He never did but I decided to not say a word anymore and go with whatever else we were doing (Lord, I can't complain). It sounds like something may be wrong but it's too early to tell. It could just be stage fright, I know I had it for a long, long time and failed to, um, perform. I get better as I get comfortable with the person and with myself. Whatever it was or is, I don't want him to feel pressured. We're still getting to know each other.
And anyway, other than that, I've had a fantastic weekend with him. It's so amazing talking and learning about each other's country. Today we spent the day at the apartment and all the things I wanted to get done, I couldn't do them because we were, you know, fooling around. He's a wonderful man, so smart and funny and sweet. I can't get enough of him.