Who watches the watchmen? They are neglecting me, you know.
Saturday, 04.23.2011 - 5:20 pm.

I've been bitter for most of the week. I was hopeful in the beggining, then I got bitter, desperate and angry. The agency has yet to make me a deposit of my scholarship; it'll be two months since I arrived to Chile and I haven't seen a dime. Err, peso.

I had to wait the first two weeks to get my ID. Right, ok. Then I had to wait two more weeks because I couldn't travel 700 kms to sign the agreement and then travel again the following week for a stupid welcome event (which was poorly scheduled; as you may recall, I missed my bus back home because they didn't bother to inform anyone that there was a second event that day and it was mandatory that we stayed). Then I had to wait one more week because the bank account I listed in my file didn't work, and a second one didn't either and they didn't bother to tell me, until finally they forwarded me a days-old stupid, uninformative e-mail from the finances department. Then another week went by, in which I waited and waited after having opened a new account. I wrote three e-mails that were never answered asking if there was some trouble.

I called this week and they told me the check (check?! Why not a fucking transference?!?!) was denied again. I asked why, they said I had to figure it out with the bank. Thanks a lot! I called the bank, everything was ok. Andrew made me a small deposit to try it out, it worked fine. They said they'd try making the deposit again and if it didn't work, I had to go to Santiago to pick it up myself. FUCK YOU!!!!! IT'S TWO HOURS BY PLANE, NINE HOURS BY BUS AND I'M OUT OF FUNDS TO PURCHASE A FUCKING TICKET. I already feel horrible for not helping Andrew with the household expenses, even though he understands my situation, asks for nothing and tries to comfort me.

I cried, loudly. That was on wednesday. I cried so hard. I am desperate, upset and pissed off at how uninterested they are in me. They couldn't be clear on the procedures to receive my funds and they can't fucking get in touch with me when something's wrong. They can't inform me anything until a long time has gone by, and they say it without really pointing out at what's wrong so I can try to fix it. Bunch of assholes. I can't even concentrate when I'm studying, thinking of how I'm actually broke when I shouldn't be; hell, I'm getting good grades already, I'm doing my part! They haven't done a single thing to help me solve my situation.

They were supposed to try to make the deposit again on thursday. I called the guy three times throughout their working hours, asking if there was a problem, and I knew it was bothering him. He said they'd sent someone to deposit the check (pppfff, check) and he'd call me back if there was a problem, he never did. Clearly, there was, for my bank account reports nothing.

Great, now I have to go to Santiago this week, with money from my parents. Not only it's humilliating for me and my new-found independence, I'm ashamed for giving them a new burden and taking money from them, even though I know they do it with love and wishing to help me as much as they can.

I'll try again on monday, I'll call and ask what the fuck is wrong with them that they refuse to look into my case and take me seriously (I'll probably just ask if there was a problem), though I'm sure it's futile. I'm already coming to terms with the idea that I have to go to Santiago and get the check myself, which means one day less to work on my assignments, and I have four long reports due the next day. I'll go by plane to save time (bless my parents), but still, there's only one flight back in the evening and I have to stay in Santiago for the day, anyway.

Fucking assholes. I know they chose me and brought me here and all, but I wish I could yell a thing or two at them about being responsible to their students and about how fundamental it is to communicate with them. Ugh, I can't even find the words to express myself on this, I'm so angry.

I guess this is proof that nothing can ever be perfect (not that I need my life to be). Because financial woes aside, I am leading a very happy, fulfilling life. I love Andrew, he loves me, we have a black cat, I'm doing pilates, I'm seeing Paul McCartney in a couple of weeks (this agency thing has totally ruined my anticipation joy, I have none), I'm neck-deep studying things that I'm passionate about...

...and I started being a volunteer today, too! I'll be some sort of counselor for medicine students that dress like clowns and work with patients at the hospital. You may think it's a Patch Adams kind of things, but yesterday I had a long meeting with the guy from Argentina who started it all (and yes, he's met Patch Adams) and it's way beyond just cheering people. There is a therapeutic purpose and a whole psychological and philosophical background.

This guy is a psychiatrist with full knowledge on psychoanalysis and also a theater actor (I thought that Valerie -happy birthday!- may get a kick out of this). He's quite an intellectual, really, and he looks so serious, it's amazing how he turns into this clown persona. I got to meet all the clowns this afternoon after they had their first session at the hospital. I am so motivated and happy and even honored to be working with them.

So, yeah, it's all going well, aside from the fact that I'm being neglected by the agency responsible for my support. But this shit shall be solved this week (I've been saying that every week for a month and a half now but, you know, I say it with hope every time).

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