I'm not made to win.
Saturday, 02.03.2018 - 10:56 am.

A part of me wants to talk about the guy commenting on my pictures of LGBT+ flags on Facebook; he set bait questions and then provided exclusionary statements presented as questions. He's LGBT+ himself, but white and male above all, he even looks a bit like Trump, so I'm done wasting my time with him. So let's just say I'm learning to set limits and not be afraid to do so, and to understand that I don't owe anybody any explanations or education. 

Onto important matters:

The novel contest came and went! I lost!

More appropriately, I didn't win. Hundreds of people didn't. The winner looks like Buster Bluth, from Arrested Development (one of my favorite shows ever, but the 4th season sucks). I expected to lose but, also as expected, I was a bit sore upon learning the news, so I went in search of the winner's profile. His bio only read "writer", and I said, of course someone like him would win. He has novels and plays and whatever else on his extensive writer resumé. Only already-established writers, and maybe exceptionally eccentric rookies, win that contest.  

That contest was not for me. I don't write "Orwellian" or "Kafkian", my writings are very silly. Nobody reads me. I've written A LOT over the past 22 years, in diverse quality, but I don't have an audience. I do think there's something nice and smart and heartwarming in what I write, but I really need someone else's opinion on this. 

My next steps: revise my manuscript (I've missed it and I'm glad it's mine again!), finally register it as my intellectual property for the love of God, and submit a few chapters to a huge-small publishing house which accepts non-requested manuscripts. I also foresee rejection from this one, but what else can I do? Fuck self-publishing, by now I deserve better than me paying to get published. I already did it once, and then I read somewhere that that was a mistake. Somewhat understandable, though, as I am a nobody and they had no guarantee I'd sell. I'm not sure if I never saw my 10% from the publishing house because I really didn't sell or because they just kept it. That was almost three years and I can't be bothered to find out. 

I'm not good at business. Writing is a business, unfortunately.  

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