Another crush through the revolving door
Friday, Oct. 12, 2018 - 10:42 pm.

It's been a long week, for no particular reason. It just felt like that.

I made some progress with my thesis. As usual, it was not as much as I'd like, but so it goes, right? I haven't seen any evidence nor heard of any experiences that suggest it is otherwise. This is a very slow process. 

Nothing unusual on the writing front either: nothing from the publishing house regarding my manuscript; my article on bisexuality is not out yet; I haven't finished a short story for submission to a sci-fi magazine.

Most immediately, the city's short story competition award ceremony is this upcoming Wednesday, and I'm bracing myself for losing. I don't want to lose! I think my story deserves to win, but in my experience, it's always somebody else's name that they announce as the winner, not mine. 

I know I've been yapping about all "my writing" lately, but please remember that I only come in here once a week. I do think of other things during the day and throughout the week, I do have a life. This is my time to waddle in my frustration. But anyway, I'm done with that for this entry. 

This week I passed on a few social commitments. My Mexican former crush, A., celebrated submitting her thesis on Monday at a pub. I was going to go, and then I didn't. I just didn't feel like going. There was going to be a lot of people and I didn't care for that, I was tired after a day of focusing hard (hey, it's intellectual work!), and I had other expenses those days so I was being extra careful with the money. 

As a side note, I am quite surprised at how not-attracted to her I am now, after a time in which seeing her would set me on fire. Things have cooled down. It's for the best. For me, I mean. She didn't know I felt this way. 

On Tuesday night, I was supposed to go out with I., another friend from the department (she and A. came over for a wine night at my house a few months ago). She looked over the story I submitted to the short story competition, so I offered to buy her drinks as a thank you for her help. Also, she said she liked the story a lot. 

I was very excited about going out with her. She's straight, and she's in a relationship (*cough* me too), but I thought of this like a date because I was paying, and it'd be nice to say that I once went out with a redhead. 

Yes, well, I do have a bit of a crush on her, too. And yeah, ok, I'm a stereotype, sue me; she's fun, smart, and hot with a bit of sass. I like hanging out with her, and I won't get mad if she gets flirty with me, even if it's just for kicks. 

But, hey, Tuesday at noon she cancelled on me because she'd been out drinking the night before (at A.'s thesis submission party), and was coming from a holiday, and she wanted to take it slow. I appreciate people taking care of themselves so that was fine by me. I even felt relieved because I was tired*.

(*That morning, Andrew and I had been to a town 40 minutes away by train to get me a new camera from someone who was selling it online, to replace the camera I dropped in the ocean in Brighton. Good times. So that was a little quality time on the road for Andrew and me.) 

I may go out with I. tomorrow evening, which makes it even more romantic that on a weekday, but it will depend on how she's feeling.

I was going to point out how socially inhibited I've been this week, and bitch about how much I crave social attention yet I have poor social skills, but let's not get pathetic now. 

Tomorrow morning, Andrew, Eric and I are going to IKEA, like the domestic creatures we are. It's amazing that it's been only a year since Eric came into our lives as the new PhD student. It feels longer than that. I love to see Andrew and Eric being affectionate with one another, it's not something you see often among guys, especially when one's gay and the other's straight. But Andrew's not the type to pull the bullshit straight male performance, blessed be. It's tender to see Eric rest his head on Andrew's shoulder, as they both check their phones sitting on the sofa in the office kitchen.  

Lastly, since it was Coming Out Day yesterday, I came out to my friend C., whom I used to talk about a lot in this diary when we were in high school(!) and the early undergraduate years. She slept with Joseph before she encouraged him to ask me out (they were neighbors!), a fact that inexplicably fills me with joy, possibly because I love(d) them both. I haven't seen C. since then, though, but I wrote her to ask for her address so I could send her a postcard, and we've been catching up. She's happy for me. 

Ok, that's all from me today. Wish me luck for the short story competition on Wednesday! 

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