Saturday, Aug. 19, 2023 - 2:57 pm.
At this point I'm tired of anticipating my goddamn undergraduate course that starts this Tuesday. I've been preparing for it since the beginning of the year when I was told I'd be teaching it.
I think a lot about my classes and what I'm gonna say. I'm not anticipating reactions of any sort because that's something out of my control. It may or may not happen. But I do picture myself teaching and what I'm gonna say and what not, and I'm constantly updating examples because the world in terms of sexuality and gender changes so quickly everyday.
We'll see how it goes on Tuesday.
I'm swamped in work and requests at work. Yesterday I was trying to leave my office on the second floor to go home, and I came across a colleague who was hosting students from Brazil. She stopped me and said they were talking about this great need to address sexuality and gender issues and that maybe I could work with them and have our universities collaborate.
I always go "uh-huh" and nod, but in my head I'm like, please stop giving me more work. Anyway, they'll be in touch.
When I got to the first floor, another colleague (also the new Head of Department) approached me and said she and other colleague were designing a Clinical Psych course on grief and I could prepare a unit on grief related to sexual orientation and gender identity (it's a thing, but this isn't office hours for me talk about this).
I said uh-huh, yeah, of course, because obviously I can't say no*. This is for next semester. Anyway, she'll be in touch.
*I can always say no. Andrew often reminds me of this. I can always say no, I just haven't learned how to yet.
Actually, I did say no to another colleague who wanted me to fill in a four-hour class talking about adolescence and sexual orientation/gender identity. I was too busy and had no time to prepare on such short notice. She was giving me one month. No fucking way, not at the start of the semester.
Other reasons not stated for my saying no were that these classroom hours were not gonna count for anything for me. That is, I'd be giving away my working time (four classroom hours and at least that time times two to prepare the class) in exchange of no recognition whatsoever, which I can't afford if I'm trying to be on tenure track. Also, I'd be doing *their* job as lecturer, because if you're teaching about adolescence, you should have your knowledge up-to-date on the basics of their overall development. Third: I already gave a lecture to that same group last semester? With this request, it felt like that lecture was for nothing.
Oh, well. Work's trying to creep into my non-work life. Enough work talk.
Apartment-buying talk! We signed documents yesterday! Real state stuff, we're still not moving in anytime soon. Maybe in October? But it's great that things keep moving. We're signing stuff, making payments. It's slowly happening.
On the adoption front, I had an individual session with the psychologist that's following up on our therapy outcomes. We just talked about my autobiography, which is written and which I've revisited a few times over the course of these years.
Hence, the session wasn't groundbreaking or anything, but it made me feel grateful. Ah, I'm always grateful for the life I've had. I've been safe, taken care of. Any adverse events or unfulfilled desires have less weight than all the good things I've had.
It also gets me emotional talking about my family in deeper explorations. I'm grateful to them, I love them and I miss them a lot. I hate to stop and think of all the time I cannot spend with them.
Anyway. We have like three more session with the psychologist, Andrew and I as a couple. I hope this one makes a fair assessment of us. And we're also about to start follow-up sessions with a social worker.