Sunday, Sept. 01, 2024 - 12:17 pm.
Today it's our 5th anniversary of leaving Sheffield. It was the two of us and our two cats, who were already waiting for us here in our vet's cat hotel. It was a struggle leaving that place, leaving such a fantastic life, and it was a struggle carving ourselves a space back here. There's been a major social upheaval, a pandemic, several deaths and losses, work frustations, and a serious rearrangament of our life plans in between, but here we are.
All things considered, we're doing quite great. Despite some of the things I'm going through (painful shit, but still), I'm very happy and satisfied with the life we've built. And I guess that's part of it: we've built this. We've made our choices, we often get to choose. Plus, Andrew is the greatest partner I could've asked for, and that's winning half of the battle.
Yet this week I was particularly sensitive, for reasons unknown to me, and I felt like crying about Sun at random times. And last night I cried so much about my ginger cat, after seeing a post of a dog who waited for his human outside a hospital for 12 years; the human had died, obviously. But the dog waited. And it sounds so stupid, but the way everything turned out, it seems I'm the dog in this situation. I just can't believe Nico isn't here anymore, and the perfect storm of bad decisions I made that led to his suffering and death still haunt me.
Anyway, there's also joy in this entry.
The biggest thing I want to highlight in this entry is that a student of mine who's joining my sexuality and gender lab this semester made me a gift. They gave me a large painting of David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust in his black vinyl suit. I was moved. Overwhelmed even.
It's a beautiful painting, I can't believe someone made an art piece with such care just for me. They said it was a thank you for --I use my own words here to make a long story short-- helping them develop their research interests and skills. I do hope they stay with us in the lab and continue the research path, they have a lot of potential and a lot of sensibility, which is a must for the type of work that we do.
Another great thing is that I'm getting back to writing and drawing my dumb comic. When adopting was on the horizon, I was OK with putting these activities on hold, not knowing when I'd return to them; it could take months, it could take years.
After the adoption fell through, I let that plan continue. I was probably too heartbroken to resume. I guess I felt that I was supposed to be raising child, not doing anything else; it was like my body and my brain were still asking what was up with that. And I just let myself feel that way.
Then, lately I've returned to a collection of short stories that were halfway done, and I'm working on finishing them. I aim to submit them to a publisher this year, although it's a big publisher and I'm 90% sure they'll reject me. But hey, I returned to writing. And it felt good. It wasn't forced.
Same with my comic. It's probably due to Bi Visibility Month starting today, but a few days ago I just felt the itch to draw, to write stupid gags, to maybe even do something new with the characters. I'm still thinking about the latter, how to write a new story and how to present it.
Plus, my comic was born in September. In 1997? Jesus fucking Christ. And I feel I've come a long way with it. They're still stick figures but they have so much personality (if I do say so myself), and the aesthetics of the strips have improved. I'm quite proud of that. I hope someone one day gets the nuances of these silly comics.
Lastly, our new cat Bert is getting used to his new home. We're bonding, learning about each other. He chases Marla trying to play, or maybe out of curiousity, and she's not having it. That does suck, but they're increasingly having moments of tranquility. They won't be best buddies, Marla has always kept her distance from other animals, including Andrew and I (though she can be really sweet sometimes). But it'll be a triumph if they tolerate existing alongside one another, as Marla did with Nico.
This is it for now. My body aches. I woke up with pain in my bones yesterday, and I thought I was just getting older, but today's been a bit harder. I feel very tired, and I can categorically say that I'm coming down with something. Or maybe I'm already down. So this is where I stop. Be well. Bye for now.
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