Tuesday, 09/02/03 - 11:48 am.
Being less negative on this things that have not changed list (because it was negative, wasn't it?), I suppose I should mention as well that I'm still able to create/find and enjoy happy moments.
(I still love bubbles, as well, and I make them occasionally)
Now, another one thing that has changed is that I've blocked D. on my MSN messenger contact list. That's a huge step I thought I could never dare to take.
Mikey got a little upset when he found out I felt "friendless". What about me? What about Head?!. He's right, you know. But I was actually thinking of other people. Mikey is pretty much my best friend, even though he lives about four or five countries away. And Head could classify as my best friend too, though he lives in Canada. Whenever I talk to any of them both, specially at night, I feel whole. I don't feel empty and alone, and I'm not annoyed by the fireguns and the screaming on TV (my dad loves action movies and watches them at night). We really don't talk about anything deep most of the times, unless it's very urgent, but the important thing is that we could if we wanted to.
I said "for the most part", because unfortunately, for the most part, that's how I feel. They're wonderful friends, but I can't talk to them everyday, and not for as long as I'd like to, and not the way I'd like to (face to face it's easier, or at least more fulfilling in the end). It's nobody's fault of course, but it's still somewhat limitating. That's particulary annoying for someone with some kind of social complex (me, you realize), who gets needy of human contact as fast as she feels independent of the human race.
For now, I feel a little sad. Christ, I don't mind being sad, really. I'm a sad girl with a happy life and that's neat. As long as I feel bad because of my own nature, that's alright.
This is completely unrelated to the whole entry, but I have a pit in my stomach....or something to that effect.
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