Saturday, Jan. 20, 2024 - 4:36 pm.
I turned 39 yesterday. It seems cultivating friendships and cordial relations with colleagues leads you to feeling quite appreciated. Who would have thought. All through the week there's been get-togethers (not all birthday-related but the occasion was acknowledged), and food, drinks, and gifts such as chocolates, coffee, flowers, a manicure gift card(!), and a book. One of these colleagues/friends even gave me flowers from her garden, which was just too precious.
Andrew got me a much sought-after plush toy of our uni's mascot haha. He also got me a giant mousepad with a print of one of my own drawings, which has blown my mind a bit. I've bought stickers and tote bags with my own designs to test the print-on-demand store where I sell them, but this is something else. The mousepad is huge and it's the drawing of a turquoise beach and two of my characters sitting on a towel in the sand, one of them reading. I like the drawing a lot, but I'm mostly blown away by Andrew's thoughtful gift, which is one his many ways of saying he loves me, he likes and supports what I do and believes in me.
My family sent me love too, of course. And today's Niece #2's 10th birthday too (yaaaay!), so the family chat has been full of celebration.
But also, there was a significant death in the family on Wednesday, and the funeral is today. My uncle and godfather passed away after a brief illness derived from getting COVID. He had a few chronic conditions, but he was always in great spirits and took good care of himself; in fact, my siblings sometimes pointed this out to my dad, who also has a few chronic condictions but is always hitting rock bottom and seeking ways to feel worse. Every trip I made to my home country included a mandatory breakfast with him at the country club he was a renowned member of.
My uncle comes from a very humble background in a small village, the son of a telegrafist. But my memories of him only start when he was the president of a multinational insurance company, and because my and my family's life insurance was provided by that company. He and my aunt (my dad's sister) were, to put it simply, rich. They had a mansion that I loved visiting and getting lost in with my cousins (one of whom is one of my two cousins who died from COVID too, and his birthday is in three days). They had a beach house, for fuck's sake, and it was my childhood frustration that we didn't go there often.
But more than that, he was a very generous man. He helped my dad, and then my mom and siblings, go into exile when my dad got death threats as a journalist during the civil war. He and my aunt took my siblings in (or a couple of them, at least) for some time when my parents left the country and while they settled in Panama. My uncle always helped my family any way he could, and he had the resources to do so: money, contacts, advice.
I don't think he and I could hold a conversation for more than five minutes, but like I said he was my godfather and I was particularly fond of him, and he of me. I think I grew to his eyes even more when I went to study to the UK, because he lived and studied/worked in London for a few years, at least. He loved London. He once told me he wanted me to bring him an item from Marks & Spencer, but he backtracked and never told me what it was.
He was right-wing (being a businessman), and given his ideological leanings, it would have been very easy for him to back up the current government. But as far as I could see, he was also very critical of it and I respected him for that. My dad, having been also a critical thinker regarding politics, fell for the propaganda. So it was a joy seeing my uncle counterargue with my dad on this subject. On the minus side, of course he had a terribly conservative view of gender and sexuality, so I just ground my teeth whenever he threw any sexist or homophobic comments, which thankfully wasn't often. This is partly why I couldn't hold a minutes-long conversation with him.
But to end on a positive note, he seemed immensely proud of me because of the books I'd written. He'd read them, he'd really read them (not because he had to) and had a few short stories that he enjoyed so much that he quoted here and there. I think he got my novel, but it was a complete departure from my stories and he said, giving it a positive twist, that he always returned to my short stories. As a side note, I actually resented that my parents just gave out my novel to aunts and uncles, because they were definitely not the audience for it; but it seems my uncle went on with it anyway.
I got the news of this death on Wednesday evening. I just sat with it and felt nothing. Numbness. Disbelief, maybe. Something else had happened at work that day that had me a bit worried. But on Thursday morning there came that wave of grief and I had a hard time concentranting on my work. All the more so because my siblings and I were having a chat that went on for hours (as the five of us are spread across South, Central and North America) about floral arrangements and heartfelt notes of condolences for his funeral. I told a few close friends, let out a few tears. Maybe it will hit me again in a bit now that I'm reflecting on it.
Speaking of death, there's a dead cat on the sidewalk right now. It's breaking my heart because his/her little body has been laying under the sun for hours. It's a white cat, and I took a photo from the balcony and zoomed it in, I believe the cat has a collar on.
I see this from a 10th floor, so I don't know if the cat got hit by a car, someone hurt her/him by accident or on purpose, or just dropped dead due to a medical condition (I always remember that kitten Andrew and I saw once: we were walking down a street, this kitten on the other side of the sidewalk got majorly frightened by a car or another cat, jumped and ran away for a bit and then just dropped dead). I'd like to go and move the cat to leave it under a tree nearby so it can at least lay with some dignity under the shade. I hope his/her family finds him/her soon.
There's a lot of talk about life and death in this entry, I think it's been enough. See you next week.
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